>>DIVINE
MERCY
APOSTOLATE .... Diary
Divine
Mercy in my Soul PDF File
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
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Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
Diary
Divine Mercy in My Soul ( II: 901 950 )
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Notebook 2 |
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901 |
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There is a certain person [Stanislava Kwietniewska [163]] who tests my patience. I must devote
much time to her. When I talk with her, I feel that she is lying, and this,
continually. And because she tells me about things far away which I cannot
verify, she is able to get away with the lie. But I am inwardly convinced
that there is no truth in what she says. When it occurred to me once that I
might be mistaken and that she might be telling the truth, I asked the Lord
Jesus to give me the following sign: if she is really lying, let her admit to
me herself that she has lied about any one of the things ;
concerning which I am inwardly convinced that she is lying. And if she is
telling the truth, let the Lord Jesus take this conviction away from me. A
little later, she came to me again and said, "Sister, I beg your
forgiveness, but I have lied about such and such a thing," and I
understood that the inner light concerning that person had not misled me. |
902 |
January
29, 1937. I overslept today. A little longer, and I would have been too late
for Holy Communion because the chapel is a good distance from our section. [164] When I went outdoors, the snow was
knee-deep. But before it occurred to me that the doctor would not have allowed ! me to go out in such
snow, I had already come to the Lord in the chapel. I received Holy Communion
and was back in no time. I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, rest close to My Heart. Known to Me are your
efforts. My soul is more
joyful when I am close to the Heart of my God. |
903 |
I
am coming to know God's greatness more and more and to rejoice in Him. I
remain unceasingly with Him in the depths of my heart. It is in my own soul
that I most easily find God. |
904 |
During
my meditation, I heard these words: My
daughter, you give Me most glory by patiently submitting to My will, and you win
for yourself greater merit than that which any fast or mortification could
ever gain for you. Know, My daughter, that if you submit your will to Mine,
you draw upon yourself My special delight. This sacrifice is pleasing to Me
and full of sweetness. I take great pleasure in it; there is power in it. |
905 |
+
Examination of conscience: continuation of the same, to unite myself to the
Merciful Christ. Practice: interior silence; that is, strict observance of
silence. |
906 |
+
In difficult moments, I will fix my gaze upon the silent Heart of Jesus,
stretched upon the Cross, and from the exploding flames of His merciful
Heart, will flow down upon me power and strength to keep fighting. |
907 |
An
extraordinary thing, [that] in winter a canary comes to my window and sings
beautifully for a while. I have tried to check whether there is a canary in a
cage somewhere around, but there is none anywhere, not even in the
neighboring ward. One of the other patients also heard it, but only once, and
wondered how a canary could be singing in this freezing season of the year. |
908 |
+
O Jesus, how sorry I feel for poor sinners. Jesus, grant them contrition and repentance.
Remember Your own sorrowful Passion. I know Your infinite mercy and cannot
bear it that a soul that has cost You so much should perish. Jesus, give me
the souls of sinners; let Your mercy rest upon them. Take everything away
from me, but give me souls. I want to become a sacrificial host for sinners.
Let the shell of my body conceal my offering, for Your Most Sacred Heart is
also hidden in a Host, and certainly You are a living sacrifice. |
909 |
+
We know each other mutually, O Lord, in the dwelling of my heart. Yes, now it
is I who am receiving You as a Guest in the little home of my heart, but the
time is coming when You will call me to Your dwelling place, which You have
prepared for me from the beginning of the world. Oh, what am I compared to
You, O Lord? |
910 |
The
Lord is leading me into a world unknown to me. He makes known to me His great
grace, but I am afraid of it and will not submit to its influence in so far
as it may be in my power, until I am assured by my spiritual director as to
what this grace is. |
911 |
On
one occasion, God's presence pervaded my whole being, and my mind was
mysteriously enlightened in respect to His Essence. He allowed me to
understand His interior life. In spirit, I saw the Three Divine Persons, but
Their Essence was One. He is One, and One only, but
in Three Persons; none of Them is either greater or smaller; there is no
difference in either beauty or sanctity, for They are One. They are
absolutely One. His Love transported me into this knowledge and united me
with Himself. When I was united to One, I was equally united to the Second
and to the Third in such a way that when we are united with One, by that very
fact, we are equally united to the two Persons in the same way as with the
One. Their will is One, one God, though in Three Persons. When One of the
Three Persons communicates with a soul, by the power of that one will, it
finds itself united with the Three Persons and is inundated in the happiness
flowing from the Most Holy Trinity, the same happiness that nourishes the
saints. This same happiness that streams from the Most Holy Trinity makes all
creation happy; from it springs that life which vivifies and bestows all life
which takes its beginning from Him. In these moments, my soul experienced
such great divine delights that I find this difficult to express. |
912 |
Then
I heard the following words spoken thus: I want you to be My spouse. Fear pierced my soul, but I calmly continued to
reflect on what sort of an espousal this could be. However, each time fear
would invade my soul, a power from on high would give it peace. After all, I
have taken perpetual vows, and I have taken them of my own completely free
will. And so I continued to reflect on what this could mean. I sensed, and
came to realize, that this was some special kind of grace. Whenever I think
about it, I feel faint for God, but in this swooning, my mind is clear and
penetrated with light. When I am united to Him, I faint from an abundance of
happiness, but my mind is bright and clear and free from all shadows. You abase Your majesty to dwell with a poor creature. Thank
you, O Lord, for this great grace that makes it possible for me to commune
with You. Jesus, Your Name is my delight, I have a presentiment of my Beloved
from afar, and my languishing soul rests in His embrace; I don't know how to
live without Him. I would rather be with Him in afflictions and suffering
than without Him in the greatest heavenly delights. |
913 |
February
2, 1937. Today, from early morning, Divine absorption penetrates my soul.
During Mass, I thought I would see the little Jesus, as I often do; however,
today during Holy Mass I saw the Crucified Jesus. Jesus was nailed to the
cross and was in great agony. His suffering pierced me, soul and body, in a
manner which was invisible, but nevertheless most painful. |
914 |
Oh,
what awesome mysteries take place during Mass! A great mystery is
accomplished in the Holy Mass. With what great devotion should we listen to
and take part in this death of Jesus. One day we will know what God is doing for
us in each Mass, and what sort of gift He is preparing in it for us. Only His
divine love could permit that such a gift be provided for us. O Jesus, my
Jesus, with what great pain is my soul pierced when I see this fountain of
life gushing forth with such sweetness and power for each soul, while at the
same time I see souls withering away and drying up through their own fault. O
Jesus, grant that the power of mercy embrace these souls. |
915 |
+
O Mary, today a terrible sword has pierced Your holy soul. Except for God, no
one knows of Your suffering. Your soul does not break; it is brave, because
it is with Jesus. Sweet Mother, unite my soul to Jesus, because it is only
then that I will be able to endure all trials and tribulations, and only in
union with Jesus will my little sacrifices be pleasing to God. Sweetest
Mother, continue to teach me about the interior life. May the sword of
suffering never break me. O pure Virgin, pour
courage into my heart and guard it. |
916 |
This
day is so special for me; even though I encountered so many sufferings, my
soul is overflowing with great joy. In a private room next to mine, there was
a Jewish woman who was seriously ill. I went to see her three days ago and
was deeply pained at the thought that she would soon die without having her
soul cleansed by the grace of Baptism. I had an understanding with her nurse,
a [religious] Sister, that when her last moment would be approaching, she
would baptize her. There was this difficulty however, that there were always some
Jewish people with her. However, I felt inspired to pray before the image
which Jesus had instructed me to have painted. I have a leaflet with the
Image of the Divine Mercy on the cover. And I said to the Lord, "Jesus,
You yourself told me that You would grant many graces through this image. I
ask You, then, for the grace of Holy Baptism for this Jewish lady. It makes
no difference who will baptize her, as long as she is baptized. |
917 |
Oh,
how great is God's mercy; let every soul praise it. O my Jesus, that soul for
all eternity will be singing You a hymn of mercy. I shall not forget the
impression this day has made on my soul. This is the second great grace which
I have received here for souls before this image. |
918 |
February
5, 1937. My Jesus, in spite of everything, I desire very much to unite myself
to You. Jesus, if this be possible, take me to
Yourself, for it seems to me that my heart will burst of longing for You! |
919 |
+
Today, when I warned a certain young lady that she should not be standing for
hours in the corridor with the men, because it was unbecoming for a well-bred
young lady to do so, she apologized and promised to correct herself. She
began to cry when she became aware of her thoughtlessness. As I was saying
these few things to her concerning moral behavior, all the men from the ward
came over and listened to my words of advice. The Jewish people even heard a
few things about themselves. A certain person told me afterwards that they
put their ears against the wall and listened attentively. I somehow felt they
were listening, but I said what I had to say. The walls are so thin here that
one can be heard, even when speaking in a low voice. |
920 |
+There
is a woman here [165] who was once one of our students.
Naturally, she puts my patience to the test. She comes to see me several
times a day. After each of these visits I am tired out, but I see that the
Lord Jesus has sent that soul to me. Let everything glorify You, O Lord.
Patience gives glory to God. O how poor the souls are! |
921 |
February
6, [1937]. Today, the Lord said to me,
My daughter, I am told that there is much simplicity in you, so why do you
not tell Me about everything that concerns you, even the smallest details?
Tell Me about everything, and know that this will give Me great joy. I answered, "But You know about everything,
Lord." And Jesus replied to me,
Yes, I do know; but you should not excuse yourself with the fact that I know,
but with childlike simplicity talk to Me about everything, for My ears and
heart are inclined towards you, and your words are dear to Me. |
922 |
+
When I began this big novena for three intentions, I saw a tiny insect on the
ground and thought: how did it get here in the middle of winter? Then I heard
the following words in my soul:
You see, I am thinking of it and sustaining it, and
what is it compared to you? Why was your soul fearful for a moment? I apologized to the Lord for that moment. Jesus
wants me to always be a child and to leave all care to Him, and to submit
blindly to His holy will. He took everything upon Himself. |
923 |
February
7, [1937]. Today, the Lord said to me,
I demand of you a perfect and whole-burnt offering; an offering of the will.
No other sacrifice can compare with this one. I myself am directing your life
and arranging things in such a way that you will be for Me a continual
sacrifice and will always do My will. And for the accomplishment of this
offering, you will unite yourself with Me on the Cross. I know what you can
do. I myself will give you many orders directly, but I will delay the
possibility of their being carried out and make it depend on others. But what
the superiors will not manage to do, I myself will accomplish directly in
your soul. And in the most hidden depths of your soul, a perfect holocaust
will be carried out, not just for a while, but know, My daughter, that this
offering will last until your death. But there is time, so that I the Lord
will fulfill all your wishes. I delight in you as in a living host; let
nothing terrify you; I am with you. |
924 |
Today,
I received a note from Mother Superior forbidding me to go to the bedside of
the dying. And so, I will send to the dying obedience in place of self, and
it will support the souls who are dying. Such is God's will, and that is
enough for me. That which I cannot understand now I will learn later. |
925 |
February
7, 1937. Today, I prayed more fervently than ever for the Holy Father [Pius
XI] and three priests [166] that God would inspire them as to what
He is asking of me, for the realization of this depends on them. Oh, how
happy I am that the Holy Father's health is improving. Today I heard him
addressing the Eucharistic Congress, [167] and I went there in spirit to receive
the Apostolic Blessing. |
926 |
February
9,[1937]. Shrove Tuesday. During the last two days
of the carnival, I experienced the overwhelming flood of chastisements and
sins. In one instant the Lord gave me a knowledge of
the sins committed throughout the whole world during these days. I fainted
from fright, and even though I know the depth of God's mercy, I was surprised
that God allows humanity to exist. And the Lord gave me to know who it is
that upholds the existence of mankind: it is the chosen souls. When the
number of the chosen ones is complete, the world will cease to exist. |
927 |
On
these two days, I received Holy Communion as an act of reparation, and I said
to the Lord, "Jesus, I offer everything today for sinners. Let the blows
of Your justice fall on me, and the sea of Your mercy
engulf the poor sinners." And the Lord heard my prayer: many
souls returned to the Lord, but I was in agony under the yoke of God's
justice. I felt I was the object of the anger of the Most High God. By
evening my sufferings had reached such a stage of interior desolation that
moans welled up involuntarily from my breast. I locked the door of my room
and began an adoration; that is to say, a Holy Hour. Interior desolation and
an experience of God's justice-that was my prayer; and the moans and pain
that welled up from my soul took the place of a sweet conversation with the
Lord. |
928 |
Then
suddenly I saw the Lord, who clasped me to His Heart and said to me, My daughter, do not weep, for I cannot bear your tears. I will
grant you everything you ask for, but stop crying. And I was filled with great joy, and my spirit, as
usual, was drowned in Him as in its only treasure. Today, encouraged by His
kindness, I conversed with Jesus at greater length. |
929 |
When
I had rested near His sweetest Heart, I told Him, "Jesus, I have so much
to tell You." And the Lord said to me with great love, Speak, My daughter. And I started to enumerate the pains of my heart; that is, how
greatly concerned I am for all mankind, that "they all do not know You,
and those who do know You do not love You as You deserve to be loved. I also
see how terribly sinners offend You; and then again, I see how severely the
faithful, especially Your servants, are oppressed and persecuted. And then,
too, I see many souls rushing headlong into the terrible abyss of hell. You
see, Jesus, this is the pain that gnaws at my heart and bones. And, although
You show me special love and inundate my heart with streams of Your joys,
nevertheless, this does not appease the sufferings I have just mentioned, but
rather they penetrate my poor heart all the more acutely. Oh, how ardently I
desire that all mankind turn with trust to Your mercy. Then, seeing the glory
of Your name, my heart will be comforted." |
930 |
+
O my Jesus, although I will go to You, and You will fill me with Yourself,
and that will make my happiness complete, I will nevertheless not forget
about humanity. I desire to draw aside the veils of heaven, so that the earth
would have no doubts about The Divine Mercy. My repose is in proclaiming Your
mercy. The soul gives the greatest glory to its Creator when it turns with
trust to The Divine Mercy. |
931 |
February
10, [1937]. Today is Ash Wednesday. |
932 |
A
few days ago, I wrote to my director [probably Father Andrasz [168]], asking permission for some little
mortifications during Lent. As I did not have the doctor's permission to go
to town, I had to do this by letter. But Ash Wednesday is already here, and I
still have no answer. This morning after Holy Communion, I asked Jesus to
inspire my director with His light so that he would answer me, and I knew in
my soul that Father was not against my practicing these mortifications for
which I had asked permission, and that he would give his permission. So, in
peace, I began to undertake these practices. That same afternoon I received a
letter from Father, saying that he readily gives me permission to undertake
those practices for which I had asked permission. I was very pleased that my
interior knowledge was in agreement with my spiritual Father's opinion. |
933 |
Then
I heard the following words in my soul: You will receive a greater reward for your obedience and
subjection to your confessor than you will for the practices which you will
be carrying out. Know this, My daughter, and act accordingly: anything, no
matter how small it be, that has the seal of obedience to My representative
is pleasing to Me and great in My eyes. |
934 |
Small
practices for Lent. Although I wish and desire to do so, I cannot practice
big mortifications as before, because I am under the strict surveillance of the
doctor. But I can practice little things: first-sleep without a pillow; keep
myself a little hungry; every day, with my arms outstretched, say the chaplet
which the Lord taught me; occasionally, with arms outstretched, for an
indefinite period of time pray informally. Intention: to beg divine mercy for
poor sinners, and for priests, the power to bring sinful hearts to
repentance. |
935 |
My
contact with the dying is, just as it has been in the past, very close. I often
accompany a person who is dying far away, but my greatest joy is when I see
the promise of mercy fulfilled in these souls. The Lord is faithful; what He
once ordains-He fulfills. |
936 |
+
A certain person in our ward was beginning to die. Amidst terrible tortures,
she was dying for three days, sometimes regaining consciousness. Everyone in
the ward was praying for her. I longed to go to her, but Mother Superior had
forbidden me to go to visit the dying, so I prayed for that poor soul in my
room. But when I heard that she was still in agony, and there was no saying
how long it was going to take, I suddenly felt inspired in my soul and said
to the Lord, "Jesus, if all I do is pleasing to You, I ask You, as
evidence, to let that soul stop suffering and pass on immediately to her
happy eternity." A few minutes later I learned that the person had
passed away so peacefully and quickly that they did not even have time to
light the candle. |
937 |
+
I will say a word more about my spiritual director [Father Andrasz or Father
Sopocko [169]]. It is strange that there are so few
priests who know how to pour power, strength and courage into a soul so that
it can make constant progress without getting tired. Under such direction a
soul, even of lesser strength, can do much for the glory of God. And here I
discovered a secret; namely, that the confessor, or rather the spiritual
director, does not make light of the trifles that the soul brings to him. And
when the soul notices that it is being controlled in this, it begins to exert
itself and does not omit the slightest opportunity to practice virtue and
also avoids the smallest faults. And from these efforts, as with little
stones, there rises within the soul a most beautiful temple. On the contrary,
if the soul notices that the confessor neglects these little things, it
likewise neglects them and ceases to give an account of them to the confessor
and, worse still, will begin to grow negligent in little things. Thus,
instead of going forward, it gradually retreats backward and becomes aware of
the situation only when it has already fallen into some serious trouble.
Here, a serious question poses itself: who is at fault, the soul in question
or the confessor; that is to say, the director? It seems to me that all the
blame should be put on the imprudent director; the soul's only fault is to
have taken upon itself the choice of a director. ! The director could well
have led the soul along the road of God's will to sanctity. |
938 |
The
soul should have prayed ardently and at greater length for a director and
should have asked the Lord himself to choose a spiritual director for it. What
begins in God will be godly, and what begins in a purely human manner will
remain human. God is so merciful that, in order to help a soul He himself
chooses the spiritual guide and will enlighten the soul concerning the one
before whom it should uncover the most hidden depths of its soul just as it
sees itself before the Lord Jesus himself. And when the soul considers and
recognizes that God has been arranging all this, it should pray fervently for
the confessor that he might have the divine light to know it well. And let it
not change such a director except for a serious reason. Just as it had prayed
fervently and at great length in order to learn God's will before choosing a
director, so too should it pray fervently and at great length to discern whether
it is truly God's will that he leave this director and choose another. If
God's will is not absolutely clear, he should not make this change, for a
person will not go far by himself, and Satan wants just this: to have the
person who is aspiring for sanctity direct himself because then, without
doubt, he will never attain it. |
939 |
There
is an exception [to this], and that is when God himself directs the person,
but the director will immediately recognize that the person in question is
being guided by God himself. God will allow him to know this clearly and
distinctly, and such a person should be even more under the director's
control than anyone else. In this case, the director does not so much guide
and point out the road along which the soul is to journey; but rather, he
judges and confirms that the soul is following the right path and is being
led by a good spirit. |
940 |
I
myself suffered a great deal and was much tried in this respect. Therefore, I
am writing only about what I myself have experienced. It was only after many
novenas, prayers and penances that God sent me a priest who understood my
soul. Oh, there would be many more saintly souls if there were more
experienced and saintly confessors. Many a soul, earnestly striving for
sanctity, cannot manage by itself during times of trial and abandons the road
to perfection. |
941 |
O
Jesus, give us fervent and holy priests! Oh, how great is the dignity of the
priest, but at the same time, how great is his responsibility! Much has been
given you, O priest, but much will also be demanded of you.... |
942 |
February
11, [1937]. Today is Friday. During Mass, I suffered pain in my body: in my
hands, my feet and my side. Jesus is sending me this kind of suffering that I
may make reparation for sinners. The pain is brief, but very severe. I do not
suffer for more than a couple of minutes, but the impression remains for a
long time and is very vivid. |
943 |
+
Today, I feel such desolation in my soul that I do not know how to explain it
even to myself. I would like to hide from people and cry endlessly. No one
understands a heart wounded by love, and when such a heart feels itself
abandoned interiorly, no one can comfort it. O souls of sinners, you have
taken the Lord away from me, but all right, all right; you get to know how
sweet the Lord is, and let the whole sea of bitterness flood my heart. I have
given all my divine comforts to you. |
944 |
+
There are moments when I mistrust myself, when I feel my own weakness and
wretchedness in the most profound depths of my own being, and I have noticed
that I can endure such moments only by trusting in the infinite mercy of God.
Patience, prayer and silence-these are what give strength to the soul. There
are moments when one should be silent, and when it would be inappropriate to
talk with creatures; these are the moments when one is dissatisfied with
oneself, and when the soul feels as weak as a little child. Then the soul
clings to God with all its might. At such times, I live solely by faith, and
when I feel strengthened by God's grace, then I am
more courageous in speaking and communicating with my neighbors. |
945 |
In
the evening, the Lord said to me,
My child, rest on My Heart; I see that you have worked hard in My vineyard. And my soul was flooded with divine joy. |
946 |
February
12, [1937]. Today, the presence of God is piercing me through and through,
like a ray from the sun. My soul is longing for God so intensely that I fall
into a swoon every now and then. I feel Eternal Love touching my heart, and
my littleness cannot bear it, and this causes me to swoon. Still, my interior
strength is great, and my soul wants to match the Love with which it is
loved. The soul at such moments has a very deep knowledge of God, and the
more it comes to know Him, the purer and more fervent does its love for Him
become. How unfathomable are the mysteries of the soul and God! |
947 |
Sometimes
there are whole hours when my soul is lost in wonder at seeing the infinite
majesty of God abasing Itself to the level of my soul. Unending is my
interior astonishment that the Most High Lord is pleased in me and tells me
so Himself. And I immerse myself even deeper in my nothingness, because I
know what I am of myself. Still I must say that I, in return, love my Creator
to folly with every beat of my heart and with every nerve; my soul
unconsciously drowns, drowns... in Him. I feel that nothing will separate me
from the Lord, neither heaven nor earth, neither the present nor the future.
Everything may change, but love never, never; it is always the same. He, the
Immortal Mighty One, makes His will known to me
that I may love Him very specially, and He himself makes my soul capable of
the kind of love with which He wants me to love Him. I bury myself more and
more in Him, and I fear nothing. |
948 |
February
13, [1937]. Today, during the Passion Service, [170] I saw Jesus being tortured and crowned
with thorns and holding a reed in His hand. Jesus was silent as the soldiers
were bustling about, vying with each other in torturing Him. Jesus said
nothing, but just looked at me, and in that gaze I felt His pain, so terrible
that we have not the faintest idea of how much He suffered for us before He
was crucified. My soul was filled with pain and longing; in my soul, I felt
great hatred for sin, and even the smallest infidelity on my part seemed to
me like a huge mountain for which I must expiate by mortification and
penance. When I see Jesus tormented, my heart is torn to pieces, and I think:
what will become of sinners if they do not take advantage of the Passion of
Jesus? In His Passion, I see a whole sea of mercy. |
949 |
Let
the doubting soul read these considerations on Divine Mercy and become
trusting. [171] |
950 |
+
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion
inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in
difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great
confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy
itself. |
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria
Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul
(c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate
Conception, Stockbridge, MA 01263.
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