>>DIVINE
MERCY
APOSTOLATE .... Diary
Divine
Mercy in my Soul PDF File
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
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Diary Divine Mercy in My Soul ( I: 351 400 ) |
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Notebook 1 |
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351 |
O my God, how sweet it is to suffer for You,
suffer in the most secret recesses of the heart, in the greatest hiddenness,
to burn like a sacrifice noticed by no one, pure as crystal, with no
consolation or compassion. My spirit burns in active love. I waste no time in
dreaming. I take every moment singly as it comes, for this is within my
power. The past does not belong to me; the future is not mine; with all my
soul I try to make use of the present moment. |
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352 |
At the chapter, Mother [Borgia] stressed a life of
faith and fidelity in small things. Half way through the chapter, I heard
these words: I desire that you would all have more faith at the present
time. How great is My joy at the faithfulness of My spouse in the smallest
things. Then I looked at the crucifix and saw that Jesus' head was turned
towards the refectory, and His lips were moving. |
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353 |
When Mother left for the chapel and I stayed to
set the room in order, I heard these words: Tell all the sisters that I demand
that they live in the spirit of faith towards the superiors at this present
time. I begged my confessor to release me from this duty. |
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354 |
As I was talking to a certain person [84]
who was to paint the image but, for certain reasons, was not painting it, I
heard this voice in my soul: I want her to be more obedient. I
understood that our efforts, no matter how great, are not pleasing to God if
they do not bear the seal of obedience; I am speaking about a religious soul.
O God, how easy it is to know Your will in the convent! We religious have
God's will set clearly before our eyes from morning till night, and in
moments of uncertainty we have our superiors through whom God speaks. |
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355 |
1934-1935. New Year's Eve. I was given permission
not to go to sleep, but rather pray in the chapel. One of the sisters had
asked me to offer an hour of adoration for her. I said yes, and prayed for
her for an hour. During the hour, God gave me to understand how very pleasing
this soul was to Him. |
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356 |
O Blessed Host, in whom
is contained the testament of God's mercy for us, and especially for poor
sinners. |
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357 |
+Most Holy Trinity, I trust in Your infinite
mercy. God is my Father and so I, His child, have every claim to His divine
Heart; and the greater the darkness, the more complete our trust should be. |
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358 |
I do not understand how it is possible not to
trust in Him who can do all things. With Him, everything; without Him,
nothing. He is Lord. He will not allow those who have placed all their trust
in Him to be put to shame. |
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359 |
January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In the evening during
benediction, [85]
such thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not perhaps all this that I
am saying about God's great mercy just a lie or an illusion...? And I wanted
to think about this for a while, when I heard a strong and clear inner voice
saying, Everything that you say about My goodness is true; language has no
adequate expression to extol My goodness. These words were so filled with
power and so clear that I would give my life in declaring they came from God.
I can tell this by the profound peace that accompanied them at that time and
that still remains with me. This peace gives me such great strength and power
that all difficulties, adversities, sufferings, and death itself are as
nothing. This light gave me a glimpse of the truth that all my efforts to
bring souls to know the mercy of the Lord are very pleasing to God. And from
this springs such great joy in my soul that I do not know whether it could be
any greater in heaven. Oh, if souls would only be willing to listen, at least
a little, to the voice of conscience and the voice that is, the inspirations-of
the Holy Spirit! I say "at least a little," because once we open
ourselves to the influence of the Holy Spirit, He himself will fulfill what
is lacking in us. |
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360 |
Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details
of our life, and He often fulfills secret wishes of mine that I sometimes
hide from Him, although I know that from Him nothing can be hidden. |
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361 |
incomprehensible in the greatness of Your
mercy for creatures, and especially for poor sinners, You have made known the
abyss of Your mercy, incomprehensible and unfathomable [as it is] to any
mind, whether of man or angel. Our nothingness and our misery are drowned in
Your greatness. O infinite goodness, who can ever praise You sufficiently?
Can there be found a soul that understands You in Your love? O Jesus, there
are such souls, but they are few. |
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362 |
+One day, during the morning meditation, I heard
this voice: I myself am your director; I was, I am, and I will be. And
since you asked for visible help, I chose and gave you a director even before
you had asked, for My work required this. Know that the faults you commit
against him wound My Heart. Be especially on your guard against
self-willfulness; even the smallest thing should bear the seal of obedience. |
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363 |
O good Jesus, thank You for the great grace of making known to me what I am of myself: misery and sin,
and nothing more. I can do only one thing of myself, and that is to offend You,
O my God, because misery can do no more of itself than offend You, O infinite
Goodness! |
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364 |
+Once I was asked to pray for a certain soul. I
decided at once to make a novena to the Merciful Lord to which I added a
mortification; namely, that I would wear chains [86]
on both legs throughout Holy Mass. I had been doing this already for three
days when I went to confession and told my spiritual director that I had undertaken
this mortification, presuming permission to do so. I had thought he would not
object, but I heard the contrary; that is, that I should do nothing without
permission. O my Jesus, so it was willfulness again! But my falls do not
discourage me; I know very well that 1 am misery [itself]. Because of the
condition of my health I did not receive this permission, and my spiritual
director was surprised that I had been allowing myself greater mortifications
without his permission. I asked pardon for my self-willfulness, or rather for
having presumed permission, and I asked him to change this mortification for
another one. |
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365 |
My spiritual director replaced it with an interior
mortification; namely, throughout Holy Mass I was to meditate on why the Lord
Jesus had submitted to being baptized. The meditation was no mortification
for me, for thinking about God is a delight and not a mortification; but
there was a mortification of the will in that I was not doing [simply] what I
like, but what I was told to do, and it is in this that interior
mortification consists. When I left the confessional and started to recite my
penance, I heard these words: I have granted the grace you asked for on
behalf of that soul, but not because of the mortification you chose for
yourself. Rather, it was because of your act of complete obedience to My
representative that I granted this grace to that soul for whom you interceded
and begged mercy. Know that when you mortify your own self-will, then Mine reigns
within you. |
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366 |
O my Jesus, be patient
with me. I will be more careful in the future. I will rely, not upon myself,
but upon Your grace and Your very great goodness to miserable me. |
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367 |
+On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that when
I pray for intentions which people are wont to entrust to me, He is always
ready to grant His graces, but souls do not always want to accept them: My
Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners.
If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that
it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount
overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy.
I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them.
You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do
not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how
indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My
Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the
world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for
graces. |
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368 |
January 29, 1935. This Tuesday morning during
meditation, I had an interior vision of the Holy Father saying Mass. After
the Pater Noster, he talked to Jesus about that
matter which Jesus had ordered me to tell him. Although I have not spoken to
the Holy Father personally, this matter was taken care of by someone else
[Father Sopocko [87]
]; at this moment, however, I knew by interior knowledge that the Holy Father
was considering this matter, which will soon come to pass in accordance with
the desires of Jesus. |
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369 |
Before the eight-day retreat, I went to my
spiritual director and asked him for certain mortifications for the time of
the retreat. However, I did not receive permission for everything I asked
for, but for some things only. I received permission for one hour of
meditation on the Passion of the Lord Jesus and for a certain humiliation.
But I was a little dissatisfied at not receiving permission for everything I
had asked. When we returned home, I dropped into the chapel for a moment, and
then I heard this voice in my soul: There is more merit to one hour of
meditation on My sorrowful Passion than there is to a whole year of
flagellation that draws blood; the contemplation of My painful wounds is of
great profit to you, and it brings Me great joy. I am surprised that you
still have not completely renounced your self-will, but I rejoice exceedingly
that this change will be accomplished during the retreat. |
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370 |
That same day, when I was in church waiting for
confession, I saw the same rays issuing from the monstrance and spreading
throughout the church. This lasted all through the service. After the
Benediction. [the rays shone out] to both sides and
returned again to the monstrance. Their appearance was bright and transparent
like crystal. I asked Jesus that He deign to light the fire of His love in
all souls that were-cold. Beneath these rays a heart will grow warm even if
it were like a block of ice; even if it were hard as a rock, it will crumble
into dust. |
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371 |
Jesus, King of Mercy, again the time has come when
I am alone with You. Therefore I beg You, by all the love with which Your
Heart burns, to destroy completely within me my self-love and, on the other
hand, to enkindle in my heart the fire of Your purest love. |
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372 |
In the evening, after the conference, I heard
these words: I am with you. During this retreat, I will strengthen you in
peace and in courage so that your strength will not fail in carrying out My
designs. Therefore you will cancel out your will absolutely in this retreat
and, instead, My complete will shall be accomplished in you. Know that it
will cost you much, so write these words on a clean sheet of paper:
"From today on, my own will does not exist," and then cross out the
page. And on the other side write these words: "From today on, I do the
will of God everywhere, always, and in everything." Be afraid of
nothing; love will give you strength and make the realization of this easy. |
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373 |
In the fundamental meditation about the goal; that
is, of choosing love: the soul must love; it has need of loving. The soul
must divert the stream of its love, but not into the mud or into a vacuum,
but into God. How I rejoice when I reflect on this, for I feel clearly that
He himself is in my heart. Just Jesus alone! I love creatures insofar as they
help me to become united with God. I love all people because I see the image
of God in them. |
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374 |
J.M.J Vilnius, February 4, 1935 |
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375 |
Particular interior practice; that is, the
examination of conscience. Self-denial, denial of my own will. |
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376 |
My Jesus, I trust that Your grace will help me to
carry out these resolutions. Although the above points are contained in the
vow of obedience, I want to practice these things in a special way, because
this is the essence of the religious life. Merciful Jesus, I beg You
fervently to enlighten my mind so that I may come to know You better, You who
are the Infinite Being, and that I may get to know myself better, who am
nothingness itself. |
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377 |
Concerning Holy Confession. We should derive two
kinds of profit from Holy Confession: |
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378 |
Once as I was talking with my spiritual director,
I had an interior vision-quicker than lightning-of his soul in great
suffering, in such agony that God touches very few souls with such fire. The
suffering arises from this work. There will come a time when this work, which
God is demanding so very much, will be as though utterly undone. And then God
will act with great power, which will give evidence of its authenticity. It
will be a new splendor for the Church, although it has been dormant in it
from long ago. That God is infinitely merciful, no one can deny. He desires
everyone to know this before He comes again as Judge. He wants souls to come
to know Him first as King of Mercy. When this triumph comes, we shall already
have entered the new life in which there is no suffering. But before this,
your soul [of the spiritual director] will be surfeited with bitterness at
the sight of the destruction of your efforts. However, this will only appear
to be so, because what God has once decided upon, He does not change. But
although this destruction will be such only in outward appearance, the
suffering will be real. When will this happen? I do not know. How long will
it last? I do not know. [89]
But God has promised a great grace especially to you and to all those... who
will proclaim My great mercy. I shall protect them Myself at the hour of
death, as My own glory. And even if the sins of soul are as dark as night,
when the sinner turns to My mercy he gives Me the greatest praise and is the
glory of My Passion. When a soul praises My goodness, Satan trembles before
it and flees to the very bottom of hell. |
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379 |
During one of the adorations, Jesus promised me
that: With souls that have recourse to My mercy and with those that
glorify and proclaim My great mercy to others, I will deal according to My
infinite mercy at the hour of their death. |
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380 |
I make no movement, no gesture after my own
liking, because I am bound by grace; I always consider what is more pleasing
to Jesus. |
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381 |
When meditating once on obedience, I heard these
words: In this meditation, the priest [90] is speaking
particularly for you. Know that I am borrowing his lips. I tried
to listen most attentively to everything and to apply everything to my own
heart, as in every meditation. When the priest said that an obedient soul was
filled with the power of God... Yes, when you are obedient I take away
your weakness and replace it with My strength. I am very surprised that souls
do not want to make that exchange with Me. I said to the Lord,
"Jesus, enlighten my heart, or else I, too, will not understand much
from these words." |
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382 |
I know that I live, not for myself, but for a
great number of souls. I know that graces granted me are not for me alone,
but for souls. O Jesus, the abyss of Your mercy has been poured into my soul,
which is an abyss of misery itself. Thank You, Jesus, for the graces and the
pieces of the Cross which You give me at each moment of my life. |
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383 |
At the beginning of the retreat, I saw, on the
ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He was looking at the
sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There were three sisters at
whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not know. I only know what
a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which is the look of a
severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I was paralyzed with
terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not dare to say so much
as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed me, and I thought I
would not live to the end of the conference. The next day, I saw the same
thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and this time I dared to
speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your mercy!" |
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384 |
When I stayed for adoration from nine to ten
o'clock, four other sisters stayed; too. When 1 approached the altar and
began to meditate on the Passion of the Lord Jesus, a terrible pain
immediately filled my soul because of the ingratitude of so many souls living
in the world; but particularly painful was the ingratitude of souls
especially chosen by God. There is no notion or comparison [which can
describe it]. At the sight of this blackest ungratefulness I felt as though
my heart were torn open; my strength failed me completely, and I fell on my
face, not attempting to hide my loud cries. Each time I thought of God's
great mercy and of the ingratitude of souls, pain stabbed at my heart, and I
understood how painfully it wounded the sweetest Heart of Jesus. With a
burning heart, I renewed my act of self-oblation on behalf of sinners. |
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385 |
With joy and longing I have pressed my lips to the
bitterness of the cup which I receive each day at Holy Mass. It is the share
which Jesus has allotted to me for each moment, and I will not relinquish it
to anyone. I will comfort the most sweet Eucharistic
Heart continuously and will play harmonious melodies on the strings of my
heart. Suffering is the most harmonious melody of all. I will assiduously
search out that which will make Your Heart rejoice today! |
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386 |
I feel that God will let me draw aside the veils
[of heaven] so that the earth will not doubt His goodness. God is not subject
to eclipse or change. He is forever one and the same; nothing can contradict
His will. I feel within myself a power greater than human. I feel courage and
strength thanks to the grace that dwells in me. 1 understand
souls who are suffering against hope, for 1 have gone through that fire
myself. But God will not give [us anything] beyond our strength. Often have I
lived hoping against hope, and have advanced my hope to complete trust in
God. Let that which He has ordained from all ages happen to me. |
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387 |
It would be a very ugly thing for a religious to
seek relief from suffering. |
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388 |
See what grace and reflection made out of the
greatest criminal. He who is dying has much love: "Remember me when You
are in paradise." Heartfelt repentance immediately transforms the soul.
The spiritual life is to be lived earnestly and sincerely. |
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389 |
Love must be reciprocal. If Jesus tasted the
fullness of bitterness for me, then I, His bride, will accept all bitterness
as proof of my love for Him. |
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390 |
He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself
many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I
forgive with all my heart. |
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391 |
Through Holy Baptism, we entered into union with
other souls. Death tightens the bonds of love. I ought always to be of help
to others. If I am a good religious, I will be useful, not only to the Order,
but to the whole Country as well. |
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392 |
The Lord God grants His graces in two ways: by
inspiration and by enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace, He will give it
to us; but let us be willing to accept it. And in order to accept it,
self-denial is needed. Love does not consist in words or feelings, but in
deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift; that is to say, a giving. The
reason, the will, the heart-these three faculties must be exercised during
prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must live in Him. If
I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the Gospel will be revealed in
me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace operates without
ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by the gift of the
Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God loves, He loves
with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God has loved me in
this way, how should I respond I, His spouse? |
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393 |
During one conference, Jesus said to me, You
are a sweet grape in a chosen cluster; I want others to have a share in the
juice that is flowing within you. |
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394 |
During the renewal of the vows, [91]
I saw the Lord Jesus on the Epistle side [of the altar], wearing a white
garment with a golden belt and holding a terrible sword in His hand. This
lasted until the moment when the sisters began to renew their vows. Then I
saw a resplendence beyond compare and, in front of
this brilliance, a white cloud in the shape of a scale. Then Jesus approached
and put the sword on one side of the scale, and it fell heavily towards the
ground until it was about to touch it. Just then, the sisters finished
renewing their vows. Then I saw Angels who took something from each of the
sisters and placed it in a golden vessel somewhat in the shape of a thurible. When they had collected it from all the sisters
and placed the vessel on the other side of the scale, it immediately
outweighed and raised up the side on which the sword
had been laid. At that moment, a flame issued forth from the thurible, and it reached all the way to the brilliance.
Then I heard a voice coming from the brilliance: Put the sword back in its
place; the sacrifice is greater. Then Jesus gave us His blessing, and all
I had seen vanished. The sisters had already begun to receive Holy Communion.
When I received Holy Communion, my soul was filled with such great joy that I
am unable to describe it. |
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395 |
[February] 15, 1935. A few days' visit at my
parents' home [92]
to see my dying mother. |
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396 |
My traveling companions were very kind; several
women of the Sodality of Mary were in the same compartment with me. I sensed
that one of them was suffering greatly and fighting a difficult battle in her
soul. l began to pray in spirit for this soul. At
eleven o'clock these women went to another compartment for a chat, leaving
only the two of us behind in the carriage. I could feel that my prayer was
causing this soul's struggle to become even fiercer. I did not console her,
but prayed all the more fervently. Finally, the lady turned to me and asked
if she was obliged to fulfill a certain promise which she had made to God. At
that moment, I received inner knowledge of the promise and replied, "You
are absolutely obliged to keep it, or else you will be miserable for the rest
of your life. This thought will pursue you everywhere and give you no
peace." Surprised at my answer, she opened her soul to me. |
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397 |
That morning I arrived in Warsaw, and at eight
o'clock that evening I was already at home. What a joy it was for my parents
and for the whole family! It is difficult to describe it. My mother's health
had improved a bit, but the doctor gave no hope of complete recovery. After
greeting each other, we knelt down to thank God for the grace of being able
to be together once again in this life. |
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398 |
When I saw how my father prayed, I was very much
ashamed that, after so many years in the convent, I was not able to pray with
such sincerity and fervor. And so 1 never cease
thanking God for such parents. |
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399 |
Oh, how everything had changed beyond recognition
during those ten years! The garden had been so small, and now I could not
recognize it. My brothers and sisters had still been children, and now they
were all grown up. I was surprised that I did not find them as they had been
when we parted. Stanley accompanied me to church every day. I felt that he
was very pleasing to God. |
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400 |
On the last day, when everyone had left the
church, I went before the Blessed Sacrament with him, and together we recited
the Te Deum. After a moment of silence, I offered
his soul to the Sweetest Heart of Jesus. How easy it was to pray in that
little church! I remembered all the graces that I had received there, and
which I had not understood at the time and had so often abused. I wondered
how I could have been so blind. And as I was thus regretting my blindness, I
suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, radiant with unspeakable beauty, .. and He said to me with
kindness, My chosen one, I will give you even greater graces that you may
be the witness of My infinite mercy throughout all eternity. |
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria
Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul
(c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate
Conception, Stockbridge, MA 01263.
To
purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the
Immaculate Conception website
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