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MERCY
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Mercy in my Soul PDF
File A. Diary BM. Diary (part) . footnotes
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
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Diary Divine Mercy in My Soul ( I: 201 250 ) |
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Notebook 1 |
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201 |
I want to hide myself so that no creature might know my heart. Jesus, You alone know my heart and possess it whole and entire. No one knows our secret. We understand each other mutually with one look. From the moment we came to know each other I have been happy. Your greatness is my fullness. O Jesus, when I am in the last place, lower than the postulants, even the youngest of them, then I feel that I am in my proper place. I did not know that the Lord had put so much happiness in these drab little corners. Now I understand that even in prison there can burst forth from a pure heart the fullness of love for You, O Lord! External things mean nothing to pure love; it cuts through them all. Neither prison doors nor the gates of heaven are strong enough to stop it. It reaches God himself, and nothing can quench it. It knows no obstacles; it is free like a queen and has free access to all places. Death itself must bow its head before it.... |
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202 |
My sister [ Wanda [65] ] came to see me today. When she told me of her plans, I was horror-stricken. How is such a thing possible? Such a beautiful little soul before the Lord, and yet great darkness had come over her, and she did not know how to help herself. She had a dark view of everything. The good God entrusted her to my care, and for two weeks I was able to work with her. But how many sacrifices this soul cost me is known only to God. For no other soul did I bring so many sacrifices and sufferings and prayers before the throne of God as I did for her soul. I felt that I had forced God to grant her grace. When I reflect on all this, I see that it was truly a miracle. Now I can see how much power intercessory prayer has before God. |
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Now, during this Lent, I often experience the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my own body. I experience deeply in my heart all that Jesus suffered, although no exterior sign betrays these sufferings of mine. Only my confessor knows about them. |
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204 |
A short conversation with Mother Directress [Margaret]. When I asked her about some particulars concerning progress in the spiritual life, this holy Mother answered everything with great clarity. She said to me, "if you continue cooperating with God's grace in this way, Sister, you will be only one step away from close union with God. You understand what I mean by this. This means that your characteristic trait should be faithfulness to the grace of the Lord. God does not lead all souls along such a path." |
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+The Resurrection. Today, during the [Mass of the] Resurrection, I saw the Lord Jesus in the midst of a great light. He approached me and said, Peace be to you, My children, and He lifted up His hand and gave His blessing. The wounds in His hands, feet and side were indelible and shining. When He looked at me with such kindness and love, my whole soul drowned itself in Him. And He said to me, You have taken a great part in My Passion; therefore I now give you a great share in My joy and glory. The whole time of the Resurrection [Mass] seemed like only a minute to me. A wondrous recollection filled my soul and lasted throughout the whole festal season. The kindness of Jesus is so great that I cannot express it. |
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The next day, after Communion, I heard the voice saying, My daughter, look into the abyss of My mercy and give praise and glory to this mercy of Mine. Do it in this way: Gather all sinners from the entire world and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. I want to give Myself to souls; I yearn for souls, My daughter. On the day of My feast, the Feast of Mercy, you will go through the whole world and bring fainting souls to the spring of My mercy. I shall heal and strengthen them. |
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I prayed today for a soul in agony, who was dying without the Holy Sacraments, although she desired them. But it was already too late. It was a relative of mine, my uncle's wife. She was a soul pleasing to God. There was no distance between us at that moment. |
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O you small, everyday sacrifices, you are to me like wild flowers which I strew over the feet of my beloved Jesus. I sometimes compare these trifles to the heroic virtues, and that is because their enduring nature demands heroism.> |
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In my sufferings, I do not seek help from creatures, but God is everything to me. And yet, it often seems that even the Lord does not hear me. I arm myself with patience and silence, like a dove that does not complain and feels no bitterness when its children are being taken away from it. I want to soar into the very heat of the sun, and I do not want to stop in its vapors. I will not grow weary, because it is on You that I am leaning-O You, my Strength! |
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I fervently beg the Lord to strengthen my faith, so that in my drab, everyday life I will not be guided by human dispositions, but by those of the spirit. Oh, how everything drags man towards the earth! But lively faith maintains the soul in the higher regions and assigns self-love its proper place; that is to say, the lowest one. |
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+Once again, a terrible darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I am falling prey to illusions. When I went to confession to obtain some light and peace, I did not find these at all. The confessor [66] left me with even more doubts than I had before. He said to me, "I cannot discern what power is at work in you, Sister; perhaps it is God and perhaps it is the evil spirit." When I left the confessional, I started to think about his words. The longer I did so, the deeper my soul sank into darkness. "Jesus, what am I to do?" When Jesus approached me with kindness, I was frightened. "Are you really Jesus?" On the one hand, I am drawn by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I cannot describe it! |
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When I went to confession again, I got the answer, "I do not understand you, Sister. It would be better if you did not come to me for confession." O my God!... I have to do such violence to myself before I say anything about my spiritual life, and here I am getting this answer: "Sister, I do not understand you"! |
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213 |
When I left the confessional, a multitude of torments oppressed me. I went before the Blessed Sacrament and said, "Jesus, save me; You see how weak I am!" Then I heard these words, I will give you help during the retreat before the vows. Encouraged by these words, I began to go forward without asking anyone's advice. But I distrusted myself so much that I made up my mind to put an end to the doubts once and for all. I therefore looked forward with special eagerness to the retreat before perpetual vows. But even for many days before the retreat, I kept on asking God to give light to the priest who would hear my confession, so that he could say, once and for all, either yes or no. And I thought to myself, "I'll be set at peace once and for all." But I continued to worry whether anyone would be willing to hear me out concerning all these matters. And yet again, I decided not to think about all this and to put my trust in the Lord. The words that continued to ring in my ears were: "during the retreat." |
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Everything is now ready. Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Cracow, for the retreat. Today I entered the chapel to thank the Lord for the countless graces He has bestowed on me during these five months. My heart was deeply touched at the thought of so many graces and so much care on the part of the superiors. |
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My daughter, be at peace; I am taking all these matters upon Myself. I will arrange all things with your superiors and with the confessor. Speak to Father Andrasz with the same simplicity and confidence with which you speak to Me. |
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We have come to Cracow today [April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a moment and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of graces that had been given me as a novice here. |
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217 |
And today we gathered
together to go for an hour's visit to the novitiate. The Mother Directress,
Mary Joseph, gave us a short talk and outlined the program of the retreat. As
she spoke these few words to us, I saw before my eyes all the good things
this dear- Mother had done for us. I felt in my soul such profound gratitude
toward her. My heart grieved at the thought that this was the last time I
would be in the novitiate. Now I must battle together with Jesus, work with
Jesus, suffer with Jesus; in a word, live and die with Jesus. Mother
Directress will no longer be at my heels to teach me here, warn me there, or
to admonish, encourage or reproach me. I am so afraid of being on my own.
Jesus, do something about this. I will always have a superior, that's true;
but now a person is left more on her own. Cracow, April 21, 1933 |
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I am beginning the retreat today. Jesus, my Master, guide me. Govern me according to Your will, purify my love that it may be worthy of You, do with me as Your most merciful Heart desires. Jesus, there will be just the two of us during these days until the moment of our union. Keep me, Jesus, in a recollected spirit! |
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219 |
In the evening, the Lord said
to me, My daughter, let nothing frighten or disconcert you. Remain deeply
at peace. Everything is in My hands. I will give you to understand everything
through Father Andrasz. Be like a child towards him. |
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220 |
O my eternal Lord and Creator, how am I going to thank You for this great favor; namely, that You have deigned to choose miserable me to be Your betrothed and that You are to unite me to yourself in an eternal bond? O dearest Treasure of my heart, I offer You all the adoration and thanksgiving of the Saints and of all the choirs of Angels, and I unite myself in a special way with Your Mother. O Mary, my Mother, I humbly beg of You, cover my soul with Your virginal cloak at this very important moment of my life, so that thus I may become dearer to Your Son and may worthily praise Your Son's mercy before the whole world and throughout all eternity. |
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221 |
I could not understand the meditation today. My spirit was so extraordinarily immersed in God. I could not force myself to think about what the priest was saying during the retreat [conferences]. I am often unable to think according to the points; my spirit is with the Lord, and that is my meditation. |
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222 |
A few words from my conference with Mother , Directress, Mary Joseph. She clarified many things for me, and she set me at peace as regards my spiritual life, reassuring me that I was on the right path. I thanked the Lord Jesus for this great favor, for she is the first of the superiors who did not cause me any doubts in this regard. Oh, how infinitely good God is! |
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223 |
O living Host, my one and only strength, fountain of love and mercy, embrace the whole world, fortify faint souls. Oh, blessed be the instant and the moment when Jesus left us His most merciful Heart! |
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224 |
To suffer without
complaining, to bring comfort to others and to drown my own sufferings in the
most Sacred Heart of Jesus! |
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225 |
As regards Holy Confession, I shall choose what costs and humiliates me most. Sometimes a trifle costs more than something greater. I will call to mind the Passion of Jesus at each confession, to arouse my heart to contrition. Insofar as possible with the grace of God, I will always practice perfect contrition. I will devote more time to this contrition. Before I approach the confessional, I shall first enter the open and most merciful Heart of the Savior. When I leave the confessional, I shall rouse in my soul great gratitude to the Holy Trinity for this wonderful and inconceivable miracle of mercy that is wrought in my soul. And the more miserable my soul is, the more I feel the ocean of God's mercy engulfing me and giving me strength and great power. |
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226 |
The rules that I most often
fail to obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the signal of the
bell; sometimes I meddle in other people's affairs. I will do my very best to
improve. |
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+In the midst of trials I
will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as constant as
suffering-it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no
one surpass me in loving You! |
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You see that in pronouncing
my perpetual vows I am leaving the novitiate [68] today.
Jesus, You know how weak and little I am, and so from today on, I am entering
Your novitiate in a very special way. I continue to be a novice, but Your
novice, Jesus, and You will be my Master to the last day. Daily I will attend
lectures at Your feet. I will not do the least thing by myself, without
consulting You first as my Master. Jesus, how happy I am that You yourself
have drawn me and taken me into Your novitiate; that is to say, into the
tabernacle. In making my perpetual vows, I have by no means become a perfect
nun. No, no! I am still a weak little novice of Jesus, and I must strive to
acquire perfection as I did in the first days of the novitiate, and I will
make every effort to keep the same disposition of soul which I had on that
first day the convent gate opened to admit me. |
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+At the beginning of the retreat, Jesus told me, During this retreat, I myself will direct your soul. I want to confirm you in peace and love. And so the first few days passed by. On the fourth day, doubts began to trouble me: Is not this tranquillity of mine false? Then I heard these words, My daughter, imagine that you are the sovereign of all the world and have the power to dispose of all things according to your good pleasure. You have the power to do all the good you want, and suddenly a little child knocks on your door, all trembling and in tears and, trusting in your kindness, asks for a piece of bread lest he die of starvation. What would you do for this child? Answer Me, my daughter. And I said, "Jesus, I would give the child all it asked and a thousand times more. "And the Lord said to me, That is how I am treating your soul. In this retreat I am giving you, not only peace, but also such a disposition of soul that even if you wanted to experience uneasiness you could not do so. My love has taken possession of your soul, and I want you to be confirmed in it. Bring your ear close to My Heart, forget everything else, and meditate upon My wondrous mercy. My love will give you the strength and courage you need in these matters. |
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Jesus, living Host, You are my Mother, You are my all! It is with simplicity and love, with faith and trust that I will always come to You, O Jesus! I will share everything with You, as a child with its loving mother, my joys and sorrows-in a word, everything. |
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No one can comprehend what my heart feels when I meditate on the fact that God unites me with himself through the vows. God makes known to me, even now, the immensity of the love He already had for me before time began; and as for me, I have just begun to love Him, in time. His love was [ever] great, pure and disinterested, and my love for Him comes from the fact that I am beginning to know Him. The more I come to know Him, the more ardently, the more fiercely I love Him, and the more perfect my acts become. Meanwhile, each time I call to mind that in a few days I am to become one with the Lord through perpetual vows, a joy beyond all description floods my soul. From the very first time that I came to know the Lord, the gaze of my soul became drowned in Him for all eternity. Each time the Lord draws close to me and my knowledge of Him grows deeper, a more perfect love grows within my soul. |
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+Before confession, I heard these words in my soul, My daughter, tell him everything and reveal your soul to him as you do before Me. Do not fear anything. It is to keep you in peace that I place this priest between your soul and Myself. The words he will speak to you are My words. Reveal to him your soul's greatest secrets. I will give him light to know your soul. |
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When I approached the
confessional, I felt so much at ease in my soul about speaking of everything
that, later on, I myself was astounded. His answers brought a great peace
into my soul. His words were, are, and always will be pillars of fire which
enlightened and will go on enlightening my soul in its pursuit of the
greatest sanctity. |
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234 |
When I finished this confession, my spirit was immersed in God, and I prayed for three hours, but it seemed to me like only a few minutes. Since then, I have placed no obstacles in the way of grace working in my soul. Jesus knew why I had been afraid to commune intimately with Him and was not at all offended. From the moment the priest assured me that what I had experienced was not an illusion, but the grace of God, I have tried to be faithful to God in everything. I can see now that there are few such priests who understand the full depth of God's work in the soul. Since then, my wings have been set free for flight, and I yearn to soar into the very fire of the sun. My flight will not come to an end until I rest in Him forever. When we fly very high, all the vapors, mists and clouds are beneath our feet, and our whole carnal being is necessarily subject to the spirit. |
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O Jesus, I long for the salvation of immortal souls. It is in sacrifice that my heart will find free expression, in sacrifice which no one will suspect. I will burn and be consumed unseen in the holy flames of the love of God. The presence of God will help my sacrifice to be perfect and pure. |
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Oh, how misleading are appearances, and how unjust the judgments. Oh, how often virtue suffers only because it remains silent. To be sincere with those who are incessantly stinging us demands much self-denial. One bleeds, but there are no visible wounds. O Jesus, it is only on the last day that many of these things will be made known. What joy-none of our efforts will be lost! |
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Holy Hour. During this hour of adoration, I saw the abyss of my misery; whatever there is of good in me is Yours, O Lord. But because I am so small and wretched, I have a right to count on Your boundless mercy. |
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Evening. O Jesus, tomorrow morning I am to make my perpetual vows. I had asked heaven and earth and had called upon all beings to thank God for this immense and inconceivable favor of His when suddenly I heard these words, My daughter, your heart is My heaven. Just a few moments of prayer and I have to run, as they drive us out of everywhere; because every place-the chapel, the refectory, the recreation room and the kitchen-is being made ready for tomorrow, and we are to go to bed. However, sleep is out of the question. Joy has driven sleep away. I thought: What is it going to be like in heaven, if already here in exile God so fills my soul." |
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Prayer during the Mass on the
day of the perpetual vows. Today I place my heart on the paten where Your
Heart has been placed, O Jesus, and today I offer myself together with You to
God, Your Father and mine, as a sacrifice of love and praise. Father of
Mercy, look upon the sacrifice of my heart, but through the wound in the
Heart of Jesus. |
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Three requests on the day of
my perpetual vows. Jesus, I know that today You will refuse me nothing. |
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Love of neighbor. First: Helpfulness towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are absent, and defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the success of others. |
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+O God, how much I desire to be a small child. [71] You are my Father, and You know how little and weak I am. So I beg You, keep me close by Your side all my life and especially at the hour of my death. Jesus, I know that Your goodness surpasses the goodness of a most tender mother. |
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I will thank the Lord Jesus for every humiliation and will pray specially for the person who has given me the chance to be humiliated. I will immolate myself for the benefit of souls. I will not count the cost of any sacrifice. I will cast myself beneath the feet of the sisters, like a carpet on which they can not only tread, but also wipe their feet. My place is under the feet of the sisters. I will make every effort to obtain that place unnoticed by others. It is enough that God sees this. |
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Now a gray, ordinary day has begun. The solemn hours of the perpetual vows have passed, but God's great grace has remained in my soul. I feel I am all God's; I feel I am His child, I feel I am wholly God's property. I experience this in a way that can be physically sensed. I am completely at peace about everything, because I know it is the Spouse's business to look after me. I have forgotten about myself completely. My trust placed in His Most Merciful Heart has no limit. I am continuously united with Him. It seems to me as though Jesus could not be happy without me, nor could I without Him. Although I understand that, being God, He is happy in himself and has absolutely no need of any creature, still, His goodness compels Him to give himself to the creature, and with a generosity which is beyond understanding. |
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My Jesus, I will now strive to
give honor and glory to Your Name, doing battle till the day on which You
yourself will say, enough! Every soul You have entrusted to me, Jesus, I will
try to aid with prayer and sacrifice, so that Your grace can work in them. O
great lover of souls, my Jesus, I thank You for this immense confidence with
which You have deigned to place souls in our care. O you days of work and of
monotony, you are not monotonous to me at all, for each moment brings me new
graces and opportunity to do good. |
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To enter the chapel when I
pass near it. To pray in my moments of leisure. |
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Jesus, Friend of a lonely heart, You are my haven, You are my peace. You are my salvation, You are my serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an ocean of doubts. You are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You are everything to a lonely soul. You understand the soul even though it remains silent. You know our weaknesses, and like a good physician, You comfort and heal, sparing us sufferings-expert that You are. |
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The words of the Bishop [Rospond [73]], spoken at the ceremony of the taking of perpetual vows: "Accept this candle as a sign of heavenly light and of burning love." While giving the ring: "I betroth you to Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father Most High; may He keep you unblemished. Take this ring as a sign of the eternal covenant you are making with Christ, the Spouse of Virgins. May it be for you the ring of faith and the sign of the Holy Spirit, that you may be called the bride of Christ and, if you serve Him faithfully, be crowned [as such] for all eternity. |
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+Jesus, I trust in You; I trust in the ocean of your mercy. You are a Mother to me. |
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+This year, 1933, is for me an especially solemn year, because in this Jubilee Year of the Lord's Passion, I have taken my perpetual vows. I have joined my sacrifice in a special way to the sacrifice of the crucified Jesus, in order to thus become more pleasing to God. I do all things with Jesus, through Jesus, in Jesus. |
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Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III
1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589 Notebook VI
1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828 |
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Diary, St. Maria
Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul
(c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate
Conception, Stockbridge, MA 01263.
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