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MERCY
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Mercy in my Soul PDF
File A. Diary BM. Diary (part) . footnotes
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Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
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Diary Divine Mercy in My Soul
( I: 1 50 ) |
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Notebook 1 |
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1 |
O Eternal Love, You command
Your Sacred Image [1] to be painted |
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And
reveal to us the inconceivable fount of mercy, |
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2 |
When I look into the
future, I am frightened, |
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But
why plunge into the future? |
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God and souls |
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King of Mercy, guide my soul. |
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Sister M. Faustina |
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Vilnius, July 28, 1934 |
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O my Jesus, because of my
trust in You, |
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I
weave thousands of garlands, and I know That they will all blossom. |
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Vilnius, July 28, 1934 |
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J.M.J |
+ First notebook |
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God and Souls. |
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5 |
Be
adored, O Most Holy Trinity, now and for all time. Be adored in all Your
works and all Your creatures. May the greatness of Your mercy be admired and
glorified, O God. |
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6 |
I
am to write [3] down the encounters of my soul with You, O
God, at the moments of Your special visitations. I am to write about You, O
Incomprehensible in mercy towards my poor soul. Your holy will is the life of
my soul. I have received this order through him who is for me Your
representative here on earth, who interprets Your holy Will to me. Jesus, You
see how difficult it is for me to write, how unable I am to put down clearly
what I experience in my soul. O God, can a pen write down that for which many
a time there are no words? But You give the order to
write, O God; that is enough for me. |
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Warsaw, August 1, 1925 |
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Entrance into the Convent |
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7 |
From
the age of seven, I experienced the definite call of God, the grace of a
vocation to the religious life. It was in the seventh year of my life that,
for the first time, I heard Gods voice in my soul; that is, an invitation to
a more perfect life. But I was not always obedient to the call of grace. I
came across no one who would have explained these things to me. |
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8 |
The
eighteenth year of my life. An earnest appeal to my parents for permission to
enter the convent. My parents flat refusal. After this refusal, I turned
myself over to the vain things of life, paying no attention to the call of
grace, although my soul found no satisfaction in any of these things. The
incessant call of grace caused me much anguish; I tried, however, to stifle
it with amusements. Interiorly, I shunned God, turning with all my heart to
creatures. However, Gods grace won out in my soul. |
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9 |
Once
I was at a dance [probably in Lodz] with one of my sisters. While everybody
was having a good time, my soul was experiencing deep torments. As I began to
dance. I suddenly saw Jesus at my side, Jesus racked with pain,
stripped of His clothing, all covered with wounds, who spoke these words to
me: How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting Me
off? At that moment the charming music stopped, [and] the company I was
with vanished from my sight; there remained Jesus and I. I took a seat by my
dear sister, pretending to have a headache in order to cover up what took
place in my soul. After a while I slipped out unnoticed, leaving my sister
and all my companions behind and made my way to the Cathedral of Saint
Stanislaus Kostka. |
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10 |
Then
I heard these words: Go at once to Warsaw; you will enter a convent there.
I rose from prayer, came home, and took care of things that needed to be
settled. As best I could, I confided to my sister what took place within my
soul. I told her to say good-by to our parents, and thus, in my one dress,
with no other belongings, I arrived in Warsaw. |
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11 |
When
I got off the train and saw that all were going their separate ways, I was
overcome with fear. What am I to do? To whom should I turn, as I know no one?
So I said to the Mother of God, Mary, lead me, guide me. Immediately I
heard these words within me telling me to leave the town and to go to a certain nearby village where I would find a safe
lodging for the night. I did so and found in fact that everything was just as
the Mother of God told me. |
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12 |
Very
early the next day, I rode back into the city and entered the first church I
saw [St. James Church at Grojecka Street in Ochota, a suburb of Warsaw]. There I began to pray to
know further the will of God. Holy Masses were being celebrated one after
another. During one of them I heard the words: Go to that priest
[Father James Dabrowski, pastor of St. James
Parish] and tell him everything; he will tell you what to do next.
After the Mass I went to the sacristy. I told the priest all that had taken
place in my soul, and I asked him to advise me where to take the veil, in
which religious order. |
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13 |
The
priest was surprised at first, but told me to have strong confidence that God
would provide for my future. For the time being, he said, I shall send you
to a pious lady [ Aldona Lipszycowa [4] ] with whom you will stay until you enter a
convent. When I called on this lady, she received me very kindly.
During the time I stayed with her, I was looking for a convent, but at
whatever convent door I knocked, I was turned away. Sorrow gripped my heart,
and I said to the Lord Jesus, Help me; dont leave me alone. At last I
knocked on our door. [5] |
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14 |
When
Mother Superior, the present Mother General Michael [6] came out to meet me, she told me, after a
short conversation, to go to the Lord of the house and ask whether He would
accept me. I understood at once that I was to ask this of the Lord Jesus.
With great joy, I went to the chapel and asked Jesus: Lord of this house, do
You accept me? This is how one of these sisters told me to put the question
to You. |
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15 |
This
is how I was accepted. However, for many reasons I still had to remain in the
world for more than a year with that pious woman [Aldona
Lipszycowa], but I did not go back to my own home. |
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16 |
It
was during the octave of Corpus Christi [June 25, 1925]. God filled my soul
with the interior light of a deeper knowledge of Him as Supreme Goodness and
Supreme Beauty. I came to know how very much God loves me. Eternal is His
love for me. It was at vespers. In simple words, which flowed from the heart,
I made to God a vow of perpetual chastity. From that moment I felt a greater
intimacy with God, my Spouse. From that moment I set up a little cell in my
heart where I always kept company with Jesus. |
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17 |
At
last the time came when the door of the convent was opened for me - it was
the first of August [1925], in the evening, the vigil [of a feast] of Our
Lady of the Angels. I felt immensely happy; it seemed to me that I had stepped into the life of Paradise.
A single prayer was bursting forth from my heart, one of thanksgiving. |
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18 |
However,
after three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time here for
prayer, and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of entering
a religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold
of my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather
the temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I
decided one day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to
leave [the convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I
could not get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little
chapel [7] before going to bed, and I asked Jesus for
light in this matter. But I received nothing in my soul except a strange unrest
which I did not understand. But, in spite of everything, I made up my mind to
approach Mother Superior the next morning right afte
rMass and tell her of my decision. |
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19 |
I
came to my cell. The sisters were already in bed - the lights were out. I
entered the cell full of anguish and discontent; I did not know what to do
with myself. I threw myself headlong on the ground and began to pray
fervently that I might come to know the will of God. There is silence
everywhere as in the tabernacle. All the sisters are resting like white hosts
enclosed in Jesus chalice. It is only from my cell that God can hear the
moaning of a soul. I did not know that one was not allowed to pray in the
cell after nine without permission. [8] |
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20 |
Shortly
after this, I fell ill [general exhaustion]. The dear Mother Superior sent me
with two other sisters for a rest to Skolimow, not
far from Warsaw. It was at that time that I asked the Lord who else I should
pray for. Jesus said that on the following night He would let me know for
whom I should pray. |
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21 |
End
of postulancy [April 29, 1926] - My superiors
[probably Mother Leonard and Mother Jane [9]] sent me to the novitiate in Cracow. An
inconceivable joy reigned in my soul. When we arrived at the novitiate,
Sister [Henry [10]] was dying. A few days later she came to me
[in spirit, after her death] and bid me to go to the Mother Directress of
Novices [Sister Margaret [11]] and tell her to ask her confessor, Father Rospond, [12] to offer one Mass for her and three ejaculatory
prayers. At first I agreed, but the next day I decided I would not go to
Mother Directress, because I was not sure whether this had happened in a
dream or in reality. And so I did not go. |
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22 |
The
day I took the [religious] habit, [13] God let me understand how much I was to
suffer. I clearly saw to what I was committing myself. I experienced a moment
of that suffering. But then God filled my soul again with great consolations.
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23 |
Toward
the end of the first year of my novitiate, darkness began to cast its shadow
over my soul. I felt no consolation in prayer; I had to make a great effort
to meditate; fear began to sweep over me. Going deeper into myself, I could
find nothing but great misery. I could also clearly see the great holiness of
God. I did not dare to raise my eyes to Him, but reduced myself to dust under
His feet and begged for mercy. My soul was in this state for almost six
months. Our beloved Mother Directress [Mary Joseph [14]] encouraged me in these difficult moments. But
this suffering became greater and greater. |
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24 |
One
day, just as I had awakened, when I was putting myself in the presence of
God, I was suddenly overwhelmed by despair. Complete darkness in the soul. I fought
as best I could till noon. In the afternoon, truly deadly fears began to
seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell,
fell on my knees before the Crucifix and began to cry out for mercy. But
Jesus did not hear my cries. I felt my physical strength leave me completely.
I fell to the ground, despair flooding my whole soul. I suffered terrible
tortures in no way different from the torments of hell. I was in this state
for three quarters of an hour. I wanted to go and see the Directress, but was
too weak. I wanted to shout but I had no voice. Fortunately, one of the
sisters [another novice, Sister Placida Putyra]
came into my cell. Finding me in such a strange condition, she immediately
told the Directress about it. Mother came at once. As soon as she entered the
cell she said, "In the name of holy obedience [16] get up from the ground." Immediately some
force raised me up from the ground and I stood up, close to the dear Mother
Directress. With kindly words she began to explain to me that this was a
trial sent to me by God, saying, "Have great confidence; God is always
our Father, even when He sends us trials." |
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25 |
During
the night, the Mother of God visited me, holding the Infant Jesus in Her
arms. My soul was filled with joy, and I said, "Mary, my Mother, do You
know how terribly I suffer?" And the Mother of God answered me, I
know how much you suffer, but do not be afraid. I share with you your
suffering, and I shall always do so. She smiled warmly and disappeared.
At once, strength and a great courage sprang up anew in my soul; but that
lasted only one day. It seemed as though hell had conspired against me. A
terrible hatred began to break out in my soul, a
hatred for all that is holy and divine. It seemed to me that these spiritual
torments would be my lot for the rest of my life. I turned to the Blessed
Sacrament and said to Jesus, "Jesus, my Spouse, do You not see that my
soul is dying because of its longing for You? How can You hide Yourself from
a heart that loves You so sincerely? Forgive me, Jesus; may Your holy will be
done in me. I will suffer silently like a dove, without complaining. I will
not allow my heart even one single cry of sorrowful complaint." |
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26
End of the novitiate. The suffering does not diminish. Physical weakness
dispenses me from all [community] spiritual exercises; that is to say, they
are replaced by brief ejaculatory prayers. Good Friday [April 16, 1928]
-Jesus catches up my heart into the very flame of His love. This was during
the evening adoration. All of a sudden, the Divine Presence invaded me, and I
forgot everything else. Jesus gave me to understand how much He had suffered
for me. This lasted a very short time. An intense yearning-a longing to love
God. |
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27 |
First
vows [First profession of temporary vows, April 30, 1928]. An ardent desire
to empty myself for God by an active love, but a love that would be
imperceptible, even to the sisters closest to me. |
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28 |
Once
Jesus told me, Go to Mother Superior [probably Mother Raphael [18] ] and ask her to let you wear a hair shirt
for seven days, and once each night you are to get up and come to the chapel.
I said yes, but I found a certain difficulty in actually going to the
Superior. In the evening Jesus asked me, How long will you put it off?
I made up my mind to tell Mother Superior the very next time I would see her. |
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29 |
One
of the Mothers [probably Mother Jane], when she learned about my close
relationship with the Lord Jesus, told me that I must be deluding myself. She
told me that the Lord Jesus associates in this way only with the saints and
not with sinful souls "like you, Sister!" After that, it was as if
I mistrusted Jesus. In one of my morning talks with Him I said, "Jesus,
are You not an illusion?" Jesus answered me, My love deceives no one.
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30 |
+On
one occasion I was reflecting on the Holy Trinity, on the essence of God. I
absolutely wanted to know and fathom who God is. ... In an instant my spirit
was caught up into what seemed to be the next world. I saw an inaccessible
light, and in this light what appeared like three sources of light which I
could not understand. And out of that light came words in the form of
lightning which encircled heaven and earth. Not understanding anything, I was
very sad. Suddenly, from this sea of inaccessible light came our dearly
beloved Savior, unutterably beautiful with His shining Wounds. And from this
light came a voice which said, Who God is in His Essence, no one will
fathom, neither the mind of Angels nor of man. Jesus said to me, Get to know God by contemplating His attributes.
A moment later, He traced the sign of the cross with His hand and
vanished." |
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31
+Once I saw a big crowd of people in our chapel, in front of the chapel and in
the street, because there was no room for them inside. [19] The chapel was decorated for a feast. There
were a lot of clergy near the altar, and then our sisters and those of many
other congregations. They were all waiting for the person who was to take a
place on the altar. Suddenly I heard a voice saying that I was to take the
place on the altar. But as soon as I left the corridor to go across the yard
and enter the chapel, following the voice that was calling me, all the people
began to throw at me whatever they had to hand: mud, stones, sand, brooms, to
such an extent that I at first hesitated to go forward. But the voice kept on
calling me even more earnestly, so I walked on bravely. |
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32 |
Another
time I heard these words, Go to the Superior and ask her to allow you to
make a daily hour of adoration for nine days. During this adoration try to
unite yourself in prayer with My Mother. Pray with all your heart in union
with Mary, and try also during this time to make the Way of the Cross. I
received the permission, though not for a full hour, but only for whatever
time was left me after I had carried out my duties. |
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33 |
I
was to make this novena for the intention of my Motherland. On the seventh
day of the novena I saw, between heaven and earth, the Mother of God, clothed
in a bright robe. She was praying with Her hands folded on Her bosom, Her
eyes fixed on Heaven. From Her Heart issued forth fiery rays, some of which
were turned toward Heaven while the others were covering our country. |
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34 |
When
I told this and certain other things to my confessor, [21] he replied that these might really be coming from
God, but that they might also be an illusion. Because of my frequent changes
[of assignments], I did not have a permanent confessor and besides, I had
great difficulty in speaking of these things. I prayed ardently that the Lord
would give me that great grace-that is, a spiritual director. But my prayer
was answered only after my perpetual vows, when I went to Vilnius. The priest
was Father Sopocko. [22] God had allowed me to see him in an interior
vision even before I came to Vilnius. [23] |
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35 |
Oh,
if only I had had a spiritual director from the beginning, then I would not
have wasted so many of God's graces. A confessor can help a soul a great
deal, but he can also cause it a lot of harm. Oh, how careful confessors
should be about the work of God's grace in their penitents' souls! This is a
matter of great importance. By the graces given to a soul, one can recognize
the degree of its intimacy with God. |
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36 |
Once
I was summoned to the judgment [seat] of God. I stood alone before the Lord.
Jesus appeared such as we know Him during His Passion. After a moment, His
wounds disappeared except for five, those in His hands, His feet and His
side. Suddenly I saw the complete condition of my soul as God sees it. I
could clearly see all that is displeasing to God. I did not know that even
the smallest transgressions will have to be accounted for. What a moment! Who
can describe it? To stand before the Thrice-Holy God! Jesus asked me, Who
are you? I answered, "I am Your servant, Lord." You are
guilty of one day of fire in purgatory. I wanted to throw myself immediately
into the flames of purgatory, but Jesus stopped me and said, Which do you
prefer, suffer now for one day in purgatory or for a short while on earth?
I replied, "Jesus, I want to suffer in purgatory, and I want to suffer
also the greatest pains on earth, even if it were until the end of the
world." Jesus said, One [of the two] is enough; you will go
back to earth, and there you will suffer much, but not for long; you will
accomplish My will and My desires, and a faithful servant of Mine will help
you to do this. Now, rest your head on My bosom, on My heart, and draw from
it strength and power for these sufferings, because you will find neither
relief nor help nor comfort anywhere else. Know that you will have much, much
to suffer, but don't let this frighten you; I am with you. |
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37 |
Soon
afterwards I became ill. [24] Physical weakness was for me a school of
patience. Only Jesus knows how many efforts of will I had to make to fulfill
my duty. [25] |
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38 |
In
order to purify a soul, Jesus uses whatever instruments He likes. My soul underwent
a complete abandonment on the part of creatures; often my best intentions
were misinterpreted by the sisters, [26] a type of suffering which is most painful; but
God allows it, and we must accept it because in this way we become more like
Jesus. There was one thing which I could not understand for a long time:
Jesus ordered me to tell everything to my Superiors, but my Superiors did not
believe what I said and treated me with pity as though I were being deluded
or were imagining things. |
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39 |
+
One day Jesus told me that He would cause a chastisement to fall upon the
most beautiful city in our country [probably Warsaw]. This chastisement would
be that with which God had punished Sodom and Gomorrah. [27] I saw the great wrath of God and a shudder
pierced my heart. I prayed in silence.After a
moment, Jesus said to me, My child, unite yourself closely to Me during
the Sacrifice and offer My Blood and My Wounds to My Father in expiation for
the sins of that city. Repeat this without interruption throughout the entire
Holy Mass. Do this for seven days. On the seventh day I saw Jesus in a
bright cloud and began to beg Him to look upon the city and upon our whole
country. Jesus looked [down] graciously. When I saw the kindness of' Jesus, I
began to beg His blessing. Immediately Jesus said, For your sake I bless
the entire country. And He made a big sign of the cross over our country.
Seeing the goodness of God, a great joy filled my soul. |
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40 |
+The
year 1929. Once during Holy Mass, I felt in a very special way the closeness
of God, although I tried to turn away and escape from Him. On several
occasions I have run away from God because I did not want to be a victim of
the evil spirit; since others have told me, more than once, that such is the
case. And this incertitude lasted for quite some time. During Holy Mass,
before Communion, we had the renewal of vows. When we had left our kneelers
and had started to recite the formula for the vows, Jesus appeared suddenly
at my side clad in a white garment with a golden girdle around His waist, and
He said to me, I give you eternal love that your purity may be untarnished
and as a sign that you will never be subject to temptations against purity.
Jesus took off His golden cincture and tied it around my waist. |
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41 |
On
one occasion I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of committing a mortal
sin. I started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all the torments of
hell and all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would be set free
and snatched from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard my prayer
and, that very instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The thorns
penetrated my head with great force right into my brain. This lasted for
three hours; the servant of God was set free from this sin, and his soul was
strengthened by a special grace of God. |
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42 |
+Once,
on Christmas Day [ 1928], I felt the omnipotence and
the presence of God surrounding me. And once more I fled from this interior
meeting with the Lord. I asked Mother Superior for permission to go to Jozefinek [28] to visit the sisters there. The Superior gave
us permission, and we started to get ready right after lunch. The other
sisters were already waiting for me at the door of the convent while I ran to
my cell to get my cloak. On my way back, as I was passing close to the little
chapel, I saw Jesus standing in the doorway. He said to me, Go ahead, but
I am taking your heart. Suddenly I felt that I had no heart in my chest.
But the sisters were scolding me for lingering behind, saying that it was
already getting late, so I quickly went along with them. But a sense of
uneasiness troubled me, and a strange longing invaded my soul, though no one
knew what was happening except God. |
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43 |
On
one occasion I saw two sisters who were about to enter hell. A terrible agony
tore my soul; I prayed to God for them, and Jesus said to me, Go to Mother
Superior and tell her that those two sisters are in danger of committing a
mortal sin. The next day I told this to the Superior. One of them had
already repented with great fervor and the other was going through a great
struggle. |
|
44 |
One
day Jesus said to me, I am going to leave this house... because there are
things here which displease Me. And the Host came out of the tabernacle
and came lo rest in my hands and I, with joy,
placed it back in the tabernacle. This was repeated a second time, and I did
the same thing. Despite this, it happened a third time, but the Host was
transformed into the living Lord Jesus, who said to me, I will stay here
no longer! At this, a powerful love for Jesus rose up in my soul. I
answered, "And I, I will not let You leave this house, Jesus!" And
again Jesus disappeared while the Host remained in my hands. Once again I put
it back in the chalice and closed it up in the tabernacle. And Jesus stayed
with us. I undertook to make three days of adoration by way of reparation. |
|
45 |
Once
Jesus said to me, Tell Mother General [Michael] that in this house ... such and
such a thing is being committed ... which displeases Me and offends Me
greatly. I did not tell this to Mother right away, but the uneasiness which
the Lord made me feel did not permit me to wait a minute longer, and I wrote
immediately to Mother General, and peace returned to my soul. |
|
46 |
I often felt the Passion of
the Lord Jesus in my body, although this was imperceptible [to others], and I
rejoiced in it because Jesus wanted it so. But this lasted for only a short
time. These sufferings set my soul afire with love for God and for immortal
souls. Love endures everything, love is stronger than death, love fears
nothing... |
|
47 |
In
the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus clothed in a white
garment. One hand [was] raised in the gesture of blessing,
the other was touching the garment at the breast. From beneath the garment,
slightly drawn aside at the breast, there were emanating two large rays, one
red, the other pale. In silence I kept my gaze fixed
on the Lord; my soul was struck with awe, but also with great joy. After a
while, Jesus said to me, Paint an image according to the pattern you see,
with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I desire that this image be
venerated, first in your chapel, and [then] throughout the world. |
|
48 |
I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not
perish. I also promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth,
especially at the hour of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory. |
|
49 |
When
I told this to my confessor, [29] I received this for a reply: "That
refers to your soul." He told me, "Certainly, paint God's image in
your soul." When I came out of the confessional, I again heard words
such as these: My image already is in your soul. I desire that there be a
Feast of Mercy. I want this image, which you will paint with a brush, to be
solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after Easter; that Sunday is to be the
Feast of Mercy. |
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50 |
+I desire that priests proclaim this great mercy of Mine towards
souls of sinners. Let the sinner not be afraid to approach Me. The flames of
mercy are burning Me - clamoring to be spent; I want to pour them out upon these
souls. |
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria
Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul
(c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate
Conception, Stockbridge, MA 01263.
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