>>DIVINE
MERCY
APOSTOLATE .... Diary A. Diary
Notebook I
Notebook II Notebook III Notebook IV Notebook V Notebook VI Prepare
for H Communion
Audio Diary Divine Mercy in My Soul
Book I ( CD 5 of 9:
(190-270)
)
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NOTEBOOK I, CD 5 |
Minutes |
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1 |
Entries 190 200 |
09:00 |
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2 |
Entries 201 210 |
07:51 |
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3 |
Entries 211 217 |
06:15 |
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4 |
Song O Blood and Water |
01:35 |
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5 |
Entries 218 230 |
12:54 |
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6 |
Entries 231 240 |
14:12 |
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7 |
Entries 241 250 |
07:39 |
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8 |
Entries 251 260 |
09:24 |
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9 |
Entries 261 - 270 |
09:23 |
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190 |
Once during an adoration, the
Lord demanded that I give myself up to Him as an offering, by bearing a
certain suffering in atonement, not only for the sins of the world in
general, but specifically for transgressions committed in this house.
Immediately I said, "Very good; I am ready." But Jesus gave me to
see what I was going to suffer, and in one moment the whole passion unfolded
itself before my eyes. Firstly, my intentions will not be recognized; there
will be all kinds of suspicion and distrust as well as various kinds of
humiliations and adversities. I will not mention everything here. All these
things stood before my soul's eye like a dark storm from which lightning was
ready to strike at any moment, waiting only for my consent. For a moment, my
nature was frightened. Then suddenly the dinner bell rang. I left the chapel,
trembling and undecided. But the sacrifice was ever present before me, for I had neither decided to accept it, nor had I
refused the Lord. I wanted to place myself completely in His will. If the
Lord Jesus himself were to impose it on me, I was ready. But Jesus gave me to
know that I myself was to give my free consent and accept it with full
consciousness, or else it would be meaningless. Its whole power was contained
in my free act before God. But at the same time, Jesus gave me to understand
that the decision was completely within my power. I could do it or not do it.
And so I then answered immediately, "Jesus, I accept everything that You
wish to send me; I trust in Your goodness." At that moment, I felt that
by this act I glorified God greatly. But I armed myself with patience. As
soon as I left the chapel, I had an encounter with reality. I do not want to
describe the details, but there was as much of it as I was able to bear. I
would not have been able to bear even one drop more. |
|
191 |
+One morning I heard these
words in my soul: Go to Mother General [Michael] and tell her that
this thing displeases Me in such and such a house. I cannot mention what the
thing was nor the house in question, but I did tell it to Mother General,
although it cost me very much. |
|
192 |
Once, I took upon myself a
terrible temptation which one of our students in the house at Warsaw was
going through. It was the temptation of suicide. For seven days I suffered;
and after the seven days Jesus granted her the grace which was being asked,
and then my suffering also ceased. It was a great suffering. I often take
upon myself the torments of our students. Jesus permits me to do this, and so
do my confessors. |
|
193 |
My heart is a permanent
dwelling place for Jesus. No one but Jesus has access to it. It is from Jesus
that I derive strength to fight difficulties and oppositions. I want to be
transformed into Jesus in order to be able to give myself completely to
souls. Without Jesus I would not get near to souls, because I know what I am
of myself. I absorb God into myself in order to give Him to souls. |
|
194 |
+March 27. I desire to struggle,
toil and empty myself for our work of saving immortal souls. It does not
matter if these efforts should shorten my life; it is no longer mine, but
belongs to the Community. I want to be useful to the whole Church by being
faithful to my Community. |
|
195 |
O Jesus, today my soul is as
though darkened by suffering. Not a single ray of light. The storm is raging,
and Jesus is asleep. O my Master, I will not wake You; I will not interrupt Your
sweet sleep. I believe that You fortify me without my knowing it. |
|
196 |
A certain person seems to
have made it her task to try out my virtue in all sorts of ways. One day, she
stopped me in the corridor and began by saying that she had no grounds for
rebuking me, but she ordered me to stand there opposite the small chapel [63] for half
an hour and to wait for Mother Superior, who was to pass by there after recreation, [64] and I
was to accuse myself of various things which she had told me to say. Although
I had no idea of these things being on my soul, I was obedient and waited for
Mother Superior for a full half hour. Each sister who passed by looked at me
with a smile. When I accused myself before Mother Superior [Raphael], she
sent me to my confessor. When I made my confession, the priest saw
immediately that this was something that did not come from my own soul and
that I had not the faintest idea of such things. He was very surprised that
this person had dared to take upon herself to give such orders. |
|
197 |
O Church of God, you are the best
mother, you alone can rear a soul and cause it to grow. Oh, how great is my
love and respect for the Church, that best of all mothers! |
|
198 |
On one occasion the Lord said
to me, My daughter, your confidence and love restrain My justice, and I
cannot inflict punishment because you hinder Me from doing so. Oh, how
great is the power of a soul filled with confidence! |
|
199 |
When I think of my perpetual
vows and Who it is that wants to be joined with me, for hours I become
absorbed in the thought of Him. How can this be; You are God and I-I am Your
creature. You, the Immortal King and I, a beggar and misery itself! But now
all is clear to me; Your grace and Your love, O Lord, will fill the gulf
between You, Jesus, and me. |
|
200 |
O Jesus, how deeply it hurts
the soul when it is always trying to be sincere and they accuse it of
hypocrisy and behave with mistrust toward it. O Jesus, You also suffered like
this to make satisfaction to Your Father. |
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201 |
I want to hide myself so that
no creature might know my heart. Jesus, You alone know my heart and possess
it whole and entire. No one knows our secret. We understand each other
mutually with one look. From the moment we came to know each other I have
been happy. Your greatness is my fullness. O Jesus, when I am in the last
place, lower than the postulants, even the youngest of them, then I feel that
I am in my proper place. I did not know that the Lord had put so much
happiness in these drab little corners. Now I understand that even in prison
there can burst forth from a pure heart the fullness of love for You, O Lord!
External things mean nothing to pure love; it cuts through them all. Neither
prison doors nor the gates of heaven are strong enough to stop it. It reaches
God himself, and nothing can quench it. It knows no obstacles; it is free
like a queen and has free access to all places. Death itself must bow its
head before it.... |
|
202 |
My sister [
Wanda [65] ] came
to see me today. When she told me of her plans, I was horror-stricken. How is
such a thing possible? Such a beautiful little soul before the Lord, and yet
great darkness had come over her, and she did not know how to help herself.
She had a dark view of everything. The good God entrusted her to my care, and
for two weeks I was able to work with her. But how many sacrifices this soul
cost me is known only to God. For no other soul did I bring so many
sacrifices and sufferings and prayers before the throne of God as I did for
her soul. I felt that I had forced God to grant her grace. When I reflect on
all this, I see that it was truly a miracle. Now I can see how much power
intercessory prayer has before God. |
|
203 |
Now, during this Lent, I
often experience the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my own body. I experience
deeply in my heart all that Jesus suffered, although no exterior sign betrays
these sufferings of mine. Only my confessor knows about them. |
|
204 |
A short conversation with
Mother Directress [Margaret]. When I asked her about some particulars
concerning progress in the spiritual life, this holy Mother answered
everything with great clarity. She said to me, "if you continue
cooperating with God's grace in this way, Sister, you will be only one step
away from close union with God. You understand what I mean by this. This means
that your characteristic trait should be faithfulness to the grace of the
Lord. God does not lead all souls along such a path." |
|
205 |
+The Resurrection. Today,
during the [Mass of the] Resurrection, I saw the Lord Jesus in the midst of a
great light. He approached me and said, Peace be to you, My children, and
He lifted up His hand and gave His blessing. The wounds in His hands, feet
and side were indelible and shining. When He looked at me with such kindness
and love, my whole soul drowned itself in Him. And He said to me, You have
taken a great part in My Passion; therefore I now give you a great share in
My joy and glory. The whole time of the Resurrection [Mass] seemed like
only a minute to me. A wondrous recollection filled my soul and lasted
throughout the whole festal season. The kindness of Jesus is so great that I
cannot express it. |
|
206 |
The next day, after
Communion, I heard the voice saying, My daughter, look into the abyss of
My mercy and give praise and glory to this mercy of Mine. Do it in this way:
Gather all sinners from the entire world and immerse them in the abyss of My
mercy. I want to give Myself to souls; I yearn for souls, My daughter. On the
day of My feast, the Feast of Mercy, you will go through the whole world and
bring fainting souls to the spring of My mercy. I shall heal and strengthen
them. |
|
207 |
I prayed today for a soul in
agony, who was dying without the Holy Sacraments, although she desired them.
But it was already too late. It was a relative of mine, my uncle's wife. She
was a soul pleasing to God. There was no distance between us at that moment. |
|
208 |
O you small, everyday
sacrifices, you are to me like wild flowers which I strew over the feet of my
beloved Jesus. I sometimes compare these trifles to the heroic virtues, and
that is because their enduring nature demands heroism.> |
|
209 |
In my sufferings, I do not
seek help from creatures, but God is everything to me. And yet, it often
seems that even the Lord does not hear me. I arm myself with patience and
silence, like a dove that does not complain and feels no bitterness when its
children are being taken away from it. I want to soar into the very heat of
the sun, and I do not want to stop in its vapors. I will not grow weary,
because it is on You that I am leaning-O You, my Strength! |
|
210 |
I fervently beg the Lord to
strengthen my faith, so that in my drab, everyday life I will not be guided
by human dispositions, but by those of the spirit. Oh, how everything drags
man towards the earth! But lively faith maintains the soul in the higher
regions and assigns self-love its proper place; that is to say, the lowest
one. |
|
211 |
+Once again, a terrible
darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I am falling prey to
illusions. When I went to confession to obtain some light and peace, I did
not find these at all. The confessor [66] left me
with even more doubts than I had before. He said to me, "I cannot
discern what power is at work in you, Sister; perhaps it is God and perhaps
it is the evil spirit." When I left the confessional, I started to think
about his words. The longer I did so, the deeper my soul sank into darkness.
"Jesus, what am I to do?" When Jesus approached me with kindness, I
was frightened. "Are you really Jesus?" On the one hand, I am drawn
by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I cannot describe it! |
|
212 |
When I went to confession
again, I got the answer, "I do not understand you, Sister. It would be
better if you did not come to me for confession." O my God!... I have to do such violence to myself before I say
anything about my spiritual life, and here I am getting this answer:
"Sister, I do not understand you"! |
|
213 |
When I left the confessional,
a multitude of torments oppressed me. I went before the Blessed Sacrament and
said, "Jesus, save me; You see how weak I am!" Then I heard these
words, I will give you help during the retreat before the vows. Encouraged by
these words, I began to go forward without asking anyone's advice. But I
distrusted myself so much that I made up my mind to put an end to the doubts
once and for all. I therefore looked forward with special eagerness to the
retreat before perpetual vows. But even for many days before the retreat, I
kept on asking God to give light to the priest who would hear my confession,
so that he could say, once and for all, either yes or no. And I thought to
myself, "I'll be set at peace once and for all." But I continued to
worry whether anyone would be willing to hear me out concerning all these
matters. And yet again, I decided not to think about all this and to put my
trust in the Lord. The words that continued to ring in my ears were:
"during the retreat." |
|
214 |
Everything is now ready.
Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Cracow, for the retreat. Today I entered
the chapel to thank the Lord for the countless graces He has bestowed on me
during these five months. My heart was deeply touched at the thought of so
many graces and so much care on the part of the superiors. |
|
215 |
My daughter, be at peace;
I am taking all these matters upon Myself. I will arrange all things with
your superiors and with the confessor. Speak to Father Andrasz
with the same simplicity and confidence with which you speak to Me. |
|
216 |
We have come to Cracow today
[April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first
steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the
same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a
moment and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of
graces that had been given me as a novice here. |
|
217 |
And today we gathered
together to go for an hour's visit to the novitiate. The Mother Directress,
Mary Joseph, gave us a short talk and outlined the program of the retreat. As
she spoke these few words to us, I saw before my eyes all the good things
this dear- Mother had done for us. I felt in my soul such profound gratitude
toward her. My heart grieved at the thought that this was the last time I
would be in the novitiate. Now I must battle together with Jesus, work with
Jesus, suffer with Jesus; in a word, live and die with Jesus. Mother
Directress will no longer be at my heels to teach me here, warn me there, or
to admonish, encourage or reproach me. I am so afraid of being on my own.
Jesus, do something about this. I will always have a superior, that's true;
but now a person is left more on her own. Cracow, April 21, 1933 |
|
218 |
I am beginning the retreat
today. Jesus, my Master, guide me. Govern me according to Your will, purify
my love that it may be worthy of You, do with me as Your most merciful Heart
desires. Jesus, there will be just the two of us during these days until the
moment of our union. Keep me, Jesus, in a recollected spirit! |
|
219 |
In the evening, the Lord said
to me, My daughter, let nothing frighten or disconcert you. Remain deeply
at peace. Everything is in My hands. I will give you to understand everything
through Father Andrasz. Be like a child towards
him. |
|
220 |
O my eternal Lord and
Creator, how am I going to thank You for this great favor; namely, that You
have deigned to choose miserable me to be Your betrothed and that You are to
unite me to yourself in an eternal bond? O dearest Treasure of my heart, I
offer You all the adoration and thanksgiving of the Saints and of all the
choirs of Angels, and I unite myself in a special way with Your Mother. O
Mary, my Mother, I humbly beg of You, cover my soul with Your virginal cloak
at this very important moment of my life, so that thus I may become dearer to
Your Son and may worthily praise Your Son's mercy before the whole world and
throughout all eternity. |
|
221 |
I could not understand the
meditation today. My spirit was so extraordinarily immersed in God. I could
not force myself to think about what the priest was saying during the retreat
[conferences]. I am often unable to think according to the points; my spirit
is with the Lord, and that is my meditation. |
|
222 |
A few words from my
conference with Mother , Directress, Mary Joseph.
She clarified many things for me, and she set me at peace as regards my
spiritual life, reassuring me that I was on the right path. I thanked the
Lord Jesus for this great favor, for she is the first of the superiors who
did not cause me any doubts in this regard. Oh, how infinitely good God is! |
|
223 |
O living Host, my one and
only strength, fountain of love and mercy, embrace the whole world, fortify
faint souls. Oh, blessed be the instant and the moment when Jesus left us His
most merciful Heart! |
|
224 |
To suffer without
complaining, to bring comfort to others and to drown my own sufferings in the
most Sacred Heart of Jesus! |
|
225 |
As regards Holy Confession, I
shall choose what costs and humiliates me most. Sometimes a trifle costs more
than something greater. I will call to mind the Passion of Jesus at each
confession, to arouse my heart to contrition. Insofar as possible with the grace
of God, I will always practice perfect contrition. I will devote more time to
this contrition. Before I approach the confessional, I shall first enter the
open and most merciful Heart of the Savior. When I leave the confessional, I
shall rouse in my soul great gratitude to the Holy Trinity for this wonderful
and inconceivable miracle of mercy that is wrought in my soul. And the more
miserable my soul is, the more I feel the ocean of God's mercy engulfing me
and giving me strength and great power. |
|
226 |
The rules that I most often
fail to obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the signal of the
bell; sometimes I meddle in other people's affairs. I will do my very best to
improve. |
|
227 |
+In the midst of trials I
will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as constant as
suffering-it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no
one surpass me in loving You! |
|
228 |
You see that in pronouncing
my perpetual vows I am leaving the novitiate [68] today.
Jesus, You know how weak and little I am, and so from today on, I am entering
Your novitiate in a very special way. I continue to be a novice, but Your
novice, Jesus, and You will be my Master to the last day. Daily I will attend
lectures at Your feet. I will not do the least thing by myself, without
consulting You first as my Master. Jesus, how happy I am that You yourself
have drawn me and taken me into Your novitiate; that is to say, into the
tabernacle. In making my perpetual vows, I have by no means become a perfect
nun. No, no! I am still a weak little novice of Jesus, and I must strive to
acquire perfection as I did in the first days of the novitiate, and I will
make every effort to keep the same disposition of soul which I had on that
first day the convent gate opened to admit me. |
|
229 |
+At the beginning of the
retreat, Jesus told me, During this retreat, I myself will direct your
soul. I want to confirm you in peace and love. And so the first few days
passed by. On the fourth day, doubts began to trouble me: Is not this tranquillity of mine false? Then I heard these words, My
daughter, imagine that you are the sovereign of all the
world and have the power to dispose of all things according to your good
pleasure. You have the power to do all the good you want, and suddenly a
little child knocks on your door, all trembling and in tears and, trusting in
your kindness, asks for a piece of bread lest he die of starvation. What
would you do for this child? Answer Me, my daughter. And I said,
"Jesus, I would give the child all it asked and a thousand times more. "And the Lord said to me, That is how I am
treating your soul. In this retreat I am giving you, not only peace, but also
such a disposition of soul that even if you wanted to experience uneasiness
you could not do so. My love has taken possession of your soul, and I want
you to be confirmed in it. Bring your ear close to My Heart, forget
everything else, and meditate upon My wondrous mercy. My love will give you
the strength and courage you need in these matters. |
|
230 |
Jesus, living Host, You are
my Mother, You are my all! It is with simplicity and love, with faith and
trust that I will always come to You, O Jesus! I will share everything with
You, as a child with its loving mother, my joys and sorrows-in a word,
everything. |
|
231 |
No one can comprehend what my
heart feels when I meditate on the fact that God unites me with himself
through the vows. God makes known to me, even now, the immensity of the love
He already had for me before time began; and as for me, I have just begun to
love Him, in time. His love was [ever] great, pure and disinterested, and my
love for Him comes from the fact that I am beginning to know Him. The more I
come to know Him, the more ardently, the more fiercely I love Him, and the
more perfect my acts become. Meanwhile, each time I call to mind that in a
few days I am to become one with the Lord through perpetual vows, a joy
beyond all description floods my soul. From the very first time that I came
to know the Lord, the gaze of my soul became drowned in Him for all eternity.
Each time the Lord draws close to me and my knowledge of Him grows deeper, a
more perfect love grows within my soul. |
|
232 |
+Before confession, I heard
these words in my soul, My daughter, tell him everything and reveal your soul
to him as you do before Me. Do not fear anything. It is to keep you in peace
that I place this priest between your soul and Myself. The words he will
speak to you are My words. Reveal to him your soul's greatest secrets. I will
give him light to know your soul. |
|
233 |
When I approached the
confessional, I felt so much at ease in my soul about speaking of everything
that, later on, I myself was astounded. His answers brought a great peace
into my soul. His words were, are, and always will be pillars of fire which
enlightened and will go on enlightening my soul in its pursuit of the
greatest sanctity. |
|
234 |
When I finished this
confession, my spirit was immersed in God, and I prayed for three hours, but
it seemed to me like only a few minutes. Since then, I have placed no
obstacles in the way of grace working in my soul. Jesus knew why I had been
afraid to commune intimately with Him and was not at all offended. From the
moment the priest assured me that what I had experienced was not an illusion,
but the grace of God, I have tried to be faithful to God in everything. I can
see now that there are few such priests who understand the full depth of
God's work in the soul. Since then, my wings have been set free for flight,
and I yearn to soar into the very fire of the sun. My flight will not come to
an end until I rest in Him forever. When we fly very high, all the vapors,
mists and clouds are beneath our feet, and our whole carnal being is
necessarily subject to the spirit. |
|
235 |
O Jesus, I long for the
salvation of immortal souls. It is in sacrifice that my heart will find free
expression, in sacrifice which no one will suspect. I will burn and be
consumed unseen in the holy flames of the love of God. The presence of God
will help my sacrifice to be perfect and pure. |
|
236 |
Oh, how misleading are
appearances, and how unjust the judgments. Oh, how often virtue suffers only
because it remains silent. To be sincere with those who are incessantly
stinging us demands much self-denial. One bleeds, but there are no visible
wounds. O Jesus, it is only on the last day that many of these things will be
made known. What joy-none of our efforts will be lost! |
|
237 |
Holy Hour. During this hour
of adoration, I saw the abyss of my misery; whatever there is of good in me
is Yours, O Lord. But because I am so small and wretched, I have a right to
count on Your boundless mercy. |
|
238 |
Evening. O Jesus, tomorrow
morning I am to make my perpetual vows. I had asked heaven and earth and had
called upon all beings to thank God for this immense and inconceivable favor
of His when suddenly I heard these words, My daughter, your heart is My
heaven. Just a few moments of prayer and I have to run, as they drive us
out of everywhere; because every place-the chapel, the refectory, the
recreation room and the kitchen-is being made ready for tomorrow, and we are
to go to bed. However, sleep is out of the question. Joy has driven sleep
away. I thought: What is it going to be like in heaven, if already here in
exile God so fills my soul." |
|
239 |
Prayer during the Mass on the
day of the perpetual vows. Today I place my heart on the paten where Your
Heart has been placed, O Jesus, and today I offer myself together with You to
God, Your Father and mine, as a sacrifice of love and praise. Father of
Mercy, look upon the sacrifice of my heart, but through the wound in the
Heart of Jesus. |
|
240 |
Three requests on the day of
my perpetual vows. Jesus, I know that today You will refuse me nothing. |
|
241 |
Love of neighbor. First:
Helpfulness towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are
absent, and defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the
success of others. |
|
242 |
+O God, how much I desire to
be a small child. [71] You are
my Father, and You know how little and weak I am. So I beg You, keep me close
by Your side all my life and especially at the hour of my death. Jesus, I
know that Your goodness surpasses the goodness of a most tender mother. |
|
243 |
I will thank the Lord Jesus
for every humiliation and will pray specially for the person who has given me
the chance to be humiliated. I will immolate myself for the benefit of souls.
I will not count the cost of any sacrifice. I will cast myself beneath the
feet of the sisters, like a carpet on which they can not only tread, but also
wipe their feet. My place is under the feet of the sisters. I will make every
effort to obtain that place unnoticed by others. It is enough that God sees
this. |
|
244 |
Now a gray, ordinary day has
begun. The solemn hours of the perpetual vows have passed, but God's great
grace has remained in my soul. I feel I am all God's; I feel I am His child,
I feel I am wholly God's property. I experience this in a way that can be
physically sensed. I am completely at peace about everything, because I know
it is the Spouse's business to look after me. I have forgotten about myself
completely. My trust placed in His Most Merciful Heart has no limit. I am
continuously united with Him. It seems to me as though Jesus could not be
happy without me, nor could I without Him. Although I understand that, being
God, He is happy in himself and has absolutely no need of any creature,
still, His goodness compels Him to give himself to the creature, and with a
generosity which is beyond understanding. |
|
245 |
My Jesus, I will now strive
to give honor and glory to Your Name, doing battle till the day on which You
yourself will say, enough! Every soul You have entrusted to me, Jesus, I will
try to aid with prayer and sacrifice, so that Your grace can work in them. O
great lover of souls, my Jesus, I thank You for this immense confidence with
which You have deigned to place souls in our care. O you days of work and of
monotony, you are not monotonous to me at all, for each moment brings me new
graces and opportunity to do good. |
|
246 |
To enter the chapel when I
pass near it. To pray in my moments of leisure. |
|
247 |
Jesus, Friend of a lonely
heart, You are my haven, You are my peace. You are my salvation,
You are my serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an ocean of doubts. You
are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You are everything to
a lonely soul. You understand the soul even though it remains silent. You
know our weaknesses, and like a good physician, You comfort and heal, sparing
us sufferings-expert that You are. |
|
248 |
The words of the Bishop [Rospond [73]], spoken at the ceremony of the taking of
perpetual vows: "Accept this candle as a sign of heavenly light and of
burning love." While giving the ring: "I betroth you to Jesus
Christ, the Son of the Father Most High; may He keep you unblemished. Take
this ring as a sign of the eternal covenant you are making with Christ, the
Spouse of Virgins. May it be for you the ring of faith and the sign of the
Holy Spirit, that you may be called the bride of Christ and, if you serve Him
faithfully, be crowned [as such] for all eternity. |
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249 |
+Jesus, I trust in You; I
trust in the ocean of your mercy. You are a Mother to me. |
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250 |
+This year, 1933, is for me
an especially solemn year, because in this Jubilee Year of the Lord's
Passion, I have taken my perpetual vows. I have joined my sacrifice in a
special way to the sacrifice of the crucified Jesus, in order to thus become
more pleasing to God. I do all things with Jesus, through Jesus, in Jesus. |
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251 |
After perpetual vows, I
stayed in Cracow throughout the month of May, because it was undecided whether
I was to go to Rabka or to Vilnius. Once Mother
General [Michael] asked me, "Why are you sitting here so quietly and not
getting ready to go somewhere, Sister?" I answered, "I want to do
God's pure will; wherever you bid me to go, dear Mother, I will know God's
pure will for me will be there, without any admixture on my part." |
|
252 |
+It was four days after my
perpetual vows. I was trying to make a Holy Hour. It was the first Thursday
of the month. As soon as I entered the chapel, God's presence enveloped me. I
was distinctly aware that the Lord was near me. After a moment, I saw the
Lord, all covered with wounds; and He said to me, Look at whom you have
espoused. I understood the meaning of these words and answered the Lord,
"Jesus, I love You more when I see You wounded and crushed with
suffering like this than if I saw You in majesty." Jesus asked, Why?
I replied, "Great majesty terrifies me, little nothing that I am, and
Your wounds draw me to Your Heart and tell me of Your great love for
me." After this conversation there was silence. I fixed my gaze upon His
sacred wounds and felt happy to suffer with Him. I suffered, and yet I did
not suffer, because I felt happy to know the depth of His love, and the hour
passed like a minute. |
|
253 |
+I must never judge anyone,
but look at others with leniency and at myself with severity. I must refer
everything to God and, in my own eyes, recognize myself for what I am: utter
misery and nothingness. In suffering, I must be patient and quiet, knowing
that everything passes in time. |
|
254 |
+The moments I lived through
when I was taking my perpetual vows are better left unsaid. |
|
255 |
+I will hide from people's
eyes whatever good I am able to do so that God himself may be my reward. I
will be like a tiny violet hidden in the grass, which does not hurt the foot
that treads on it, but diffuses its fragrance and, forgetting itself
completely, tries to please the person who has crushed it underfoot. This is
very difficult for human nature, but God's grace comes to one's aid. |
|
256 |
+Thank You, Jesus, for the
great favor of making known to me the whole abyss of my misery. I know that I
am an abyss of nothingness and that, if Your holy grace did not hold me up, I
would return to nothingness in a moment. And so, with every beat of my heart,
I thank You, my God, for Your great mercy towards me. |
|
257 |
Tomorrow I am to leave for
Vilnius. Today, I went to confession to Father Andrasz,
this priest who is so filled with the spirit of God, who untied my wings so
that I could soar to the highest summits. He reassured me in everything and
told me to believe in Divine Providence. "Have confidence and walk ahead
with courage." An extraordinary, divine power came over me after that
confession. Father stressed that I must be faithful to God's grace and said,
"No harm will come to you if, in the future, you continue to keep this
same simplicity and obedience. Have confidence in God; you are on the right
path and in good hands, in God's hands." |
|
258 |
+That evening, I remained in
the chapel a little longer. I talked to the Lord about a certain soul.
Encouraged by His goodness, I said, "Jesus, you gave me this Father who
understands my inspirations, and now You are taking him away from me again.
What am I going to do in this Vilnius? I don't know anyone there, and even
the dialect of the people there is foreign to me." And the Lord said to
me, Do not fear; I will not leave you to yourself. My soul drowned
itself in a prayer of thanksgiving for all the graces that the Lord had
granted me through the mediation of Father Andrasz. |
|
259 |
Today, 27 [May 1933], I am
leaving for Vilnius. When I came out of the house, I looked at the garden and
the house, and when I cast a glance at the novitiate, tears suddenly ran down
my cheeks. I remembered all the blessings and graces bestowed on me by the
Lord. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, I saw the Lord by the flower bed, and
He said to me, Do not weep; I am with you always. God's presence,
which enveloped me as Jesus was speaking, accompanied me throughout the journey.
|
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260 |
I had permission to visit
Czestochowa while on my journey. I saw the Mother of God [image] for the
first time, when I went to attend the unveiling of the image at five in the
morning. I prayed without interruption until eleven, and it seemed to me that
I had just come. The superior of the house there [Mother Serafin
[75] ]
sent a sister for me, to tell me to come to breakfast and said she was
worried that I would miss my train. The Mother of God told me many things. I
entrusted my perpetual vows to Her. I felt that I was her child and that She
was my Mother. She did not refuse any of my requests. |
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261 |
+I am already in Vilnius
today. A few scattered tiny huts make up the convent. It seems a bit strange
to me after the large buildings of Jozefow. There
are only eighteen sisters here. The house is small, but the community life is
more intimate. All the sisters received me very warmly, which was for me a
great encouragement to endure the hardships that lay ahead. Sister Justine
had even scrubbed the floor in anticipation of my arrival. |
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262 |
+When I went to Benediction,
Jesus enlightened me on how I was to conduct myself in respect to certain
persons. I clung with all my might to the most sweet
Heart of Jesus, knowing how much I would be exposed to external distractions
because of the work I would be doing here in the garden, where I necessarily
would be in close contact with lay persons. |
|
263 |
+The week for confession came
and, to my great joy, I saw the priest I had known before coming to Vilnius.
[That is to say,] I had known him by seeing him in a vision. At that moment,
I heard these words in my soul: This is My faithful servant; he will help
you to fulfill My will here on earth. Yet, I did not open myself to him
as the Lord wished. And for some time I struggled against grace. During each
confession, God's grace penetrated me in a very special way, yet I did not
reveal my soul before him, and I had the intention of not going to confession
to that priest. After this decision, a terrible anxiety entered my soul. God
reproached me severely. When I did lay bare my soul completely to this
priest, Jesus poured an ocean of graces into it. Now I understand what it
means to be faithful to a particular grace. That one grace draws down a whole
series of others. |
|
264 |
+O my Jesus, keep me near to You! See how weak I am! I cannot go a step
forward by myself; so You, Jesus, must stand by me constantly like a mother
by a helpless child-and even more so. |
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265 |
Days of work, of struggle and
of suffering have begun. Everything continued according to the convent
routine. One is always a novice, having to learn many things and to get to
know about many things, because although the rule is the same, each house has
its own customs; and thus, each change is a little novitiate. |
|
266 |
Today I received a great and
incomprehensible grace, a purely interior one, for which I will be grateful
to God throughout this life and in eternity... |
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267 |
Jesus told me that I please Him
best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such meditation much
light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should reflect
upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a
clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to
resemble You, O Jesus,-You crucified, tortured and humiliated. Jesus, imprint
upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of
madness, You who were crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf.
Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human form in You because of Your
great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I love You to the point
of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?... |
|
268 |
October 11, 1933.-Thursday.-I
tried to make a Holy Hour, but began it with great difficulty. A certain
yearning started to tear at my heart. My mind was dimmed so that I could not
understand the simplest forms of prayer. And so passed by an hour of prayer,
or rather of struggle. I resolved to pray for a second hour, but my inner
sufferings increased-great dryness and discouragement. I resolved to pray for
a third hour. In the third hour, which I resolved to spend kneeling without
any support, my body started to clamor for rest. But I in no way relented. I
stretched out my arms and, though I spoke no words, I persisted by sheer
will. After a while, I took the ring off my finger and asked Jesus to look at
the ring, that sign of our eternal union, and I offered Jesus the feelings I
had had on the day of perpetual vows. After a while, I feel my heart
inundated with a wave of love. A sudden recollection of spirit, the senses
quiet down, and God's presence pervades my soul. I know only this: that it is
Jesus and I. I saw Him just as He had appeared to me in that instant after my
perpetual vows, when I was likewise making a Holy Hour. Jesus was suddenly
standing before me, stripped of His clothes, His body completely covered with
wounds, His eyes flooded with tears and blood, His face disfigured and
covered with spittle. The Lord then said to me, The bride must resemble
her Betrothed. I understood these words to their very depth. There is no
room for doubt here. My likeness to Jesus must be through suffering and
humility. See what love of human souls has done to Me. My daughter, in
your heart I find everything that so great a number of souls refuses Me. Your heart is My repose. I often wait with
great graces until towards the end of prayer. |
|
269 |
Once, when I had finished a
novena to the Holy Spirit for the intention of my confessor [Father Sopocko], the Lord answered, I made him known to you
even before your superiors had sent you here. As you will act towards your
confessor, so I will act toward you. If you conceal something from him, even
though it be the least of My graces, I too will hide
myself from you, and you will remain alone. And so I followed God's wish,
and a deep peace filled my soul. Now I understand how the Lord defends
confessors and how He protects them. |
|
270 |
Without humility, we cannot
be pleasing to God. Practice the third degree of humility; [76] that
is, not only must one refrain from explaining and defending oneself when
reproached with something, but one should rejoice at the humiliation. |
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